Closed RP Folklore

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Phoenix

Phoenix

Member

“Connor, it’s Sam. I need to talk to you about Todd, and I need some help with some research. Can you meet me at the public library at 47 Wabash Street?”

“Okay.”

Sam wasn’t pacing. But she was rocking on her heels and toes as she stood at the bottom of the staircase to the door of the public library. She had called Connor that morning, given him instructions on how to get to the Elliot Carniage library, and told him to meet her there around two. She couldn’t have made it any earlier, as she had to wait for Kyle to show up to take over the front desk.

And it’s breaking me, morphing me, and forcing me to strive,
Yeah, I’m endlessly, hopelessly, dreaming I’m alive.

Although she probably should have said what she had discovered about Todd to Connor before he came, she was nervous. The things Connor had said the first time they had talked, the things he had implied about Todd, hopefully meant he knew about him. Hopefully. She had no idea if he knew, but something in her gut told her he did.

She had her headphones in, The music was the only reason she wasn’t pacing. The new remaster of the Absolution album by Muse had come out, and she was anxiously listening to Hysteria on repeat. The song had always been one of her favorites by them, but the demo version that had been included in the anniversary remaster had really done something to her brain chemistry.

And I want you now, I want you now,
Give me your heart and your soul
‘Cause I want you now, I want you now,
Give me complete control.

She ran her hands through her hair, pushing the choppy curls back from her face. She dragged her fingers through them and brought them up into a ponytail, then fished through her pocket for an elastic. She tied her hair back and swallowed as the song began to repeat, the electronically distorted began to buzz in her ears, at full volume. She moved her head and her shoulders to the music, letting the nervous energy flow into a partial dance.

Everything was going to be fine. She was going to figure this out. Whatever Todd was, she was going to figure it out and she was going to be there for him. She was more determined about this than she had been about anything else in her life. More so than when she was fourteen, taking three martial arts courses a week and kickboxing lessons to prove to her parents how serious she was about becoming a “superhero”. She had done everything they had asked, excelled at everything, and they had given in and presented her with a suit when she was fifteen.

Now, she was turning that determination onto Todd. She was going to research him, she was going to study him, she was going to learn what she could about him, and she was going to use all of that to help her struggling cannibal. Because even with this knowledge, every fiber of her being still said Mine. He was hers no matter what. Even if he killed her and ate her, she would never regret choosing to make him her whole world. Not ever. He had already given her so much more happiness and warmth than she could remember ever having in her life. He deserved her best efforts.

Sam looked down at her phone. It was almost two p.m.. Connor should be arriving any moment. Any moment they would go inside this library and go straight to the mythology section. She was likely going to save the digging into Todd’s life before foster care until the end of their trip. Her laptop had died a few weeks ago, and she hadn’t had a chance to take it in for repairs, so she was going to have to use the library’s computer.​
 

“Connor.”

Sam immediately removed her earbuds and tucked them back into their pod, which was shoved into her pocket as she moved from where she was over to Connor. She stopped when got to him, suddenly hesitant. This could be an incredibly bad idea. After all, she didn’t know with absolute certainty that Connor knew. She looked him up and down, a wariness in her eyes. Then she sighed and crossed her arms.

She thought back to the first time they had ever met. “And what of your mate? Todd, he hunts much the same, are these circumstances different?” The words floated through her mind. It was so little for her to be working off, but she had a gut feeling. The Vibe Checker was telling her that this was safe. So she sighed and unfolded her arms, taking a deep breath.

She placed her hands at her waist and then, in a very soft voice, she said, “I needed to know– do you know what Todd actually is? You told me– you told me before that he was a predator, but I assumed you meant he was like you. Is that what you meant, Connor? I need you to be very clear about what you know.”

That was good enough, without directly asking “do you know my mate is a cannibal”. Hopefully, he would know what she meant. She flicked her eyes around, making sure they were as alone as possible. Given it was two p.m. on a Thursday afternoon, there was barely anyone around. It was quiet enough, alone enough, that she felt comfortable discussing this outside, in soft voices. She looked at Connor again and took him in… and found herself surprised.

Connor looked more civilized than any of the last times they had gotten together over the last two weeks. His hair was brushed, his beard trimmed, and for the first time ever, Sam realized she didn’t smell wet dog. She raised an eyebrow, took a step back, and looked him up and down again. He was clean. “Did you… clean up?”​
 

Sam narrowed her eyes. “Lap”? Women’s names that started with “Lap” was a very short list. And it really came down to just one name that could be. Her brow furrowed, and she opened her mouth, an accusation on her lips, but she stopped before she could breathe a word of it. She snapped her lips shut and sighed. That wasn’t important right now. She could circle back to that. She tipped her head back and then straightened out, looking back up at Connor.

He had deliberately ignored her questions. She knew him well enough by now to know when he was deliberately not speaking about something, given that was nowhere close to their normal conversations. She bit her bottom lip, then she tried again. “Connor, please. I need you to focus. Do you know what Todd is? This is really important.”

Her eyes were wide and pleading, her brow knit together over them. She pushed a stray curl back from her face and swallowed, the motion noticeable in the way her head was tilted. She was bouncing on her heels again, her arms crossing in front of her chest again. She looked desperate. No longer nervous, but pleading, begging for Connor to confirm what she now knew.​
 

Sam’s face slowly changed into an adoring but sad smile as Connor spoke. Not only did Connor know, but he wasn’t allowed to tell her. Todd had asked Connor not to tell her, her, his mat– could she even call herself that, if he so desperately didn’t want her to know what he was? For a moment, a wave of self-loathing washed over her. He didn’t trust her to know.

She had thought about it. There were only two reasons that Todd wouldn’t tell her, as far as she was concerned. The first was he was afraid of scaring her off. That one was an obvious thought, an obvious reaction. But she had a deeper feeling that she knew why he wasn’t telling her. And that reason made her hate everything about what she was, what she could do, and what kind of a person he perceived her to be.

Todd was worried she’d kill him.

It made sense. He already knew how she felt about predators. He already knew she had killed forty people before. He knew that she had a streak of violence that she struggled with. It was logical to assume that he was worried she’d turn it against him. And the part that hurt the most, was that if it wasn’t him, if it wasn’t her Todd, hers, then she might have. If they had just been in love like normal people, she might have killed him, broken heart be damned. She couldn’t say. She didn’t want to say.

She reached out and caught Connor’s hand in hers. “Connor, listen to me very carefully. You are not breaking any promise to Todd if I tell you he’s a cannibal and you say ‘yes’. “

He had given her enough of an answer through his stammering to tell her he knew the truth. Enough to reassure her. She continued, her rasping voice low and soft, “So answer me, do you know that Todd is a cannibal?”​
 

Sam sighed with relief. She hadn’t just fucked up and exposed Todd. That was more of a weight off her shoulders than anything else. “I only just figured it out, Connor. About a week ago. He doesn’t know I know. I want to do some research before, before I tell him. I know he doesn’t want to tell me, so I need to make sure that I can, well. I need to make sure that I don’t give him any reason to run from me once he knows I know.”

Her sad smile stayed in place and she moved in closer to Connor, jumped up with a boost from her heat, and kissed his cheek. “Thank you for telling me the truth. I needed to know I had come to the right conclusion. Now I need your help. You read a lot, and two sets of eyes are better than one. We’re going to do some research. I booked us a private study room.”

She pulled on his hand, pulling him toward the stairs, but then paused. She turned and looked back at him with those same sad eyes, like her heart was slowly falling to pieces. “I won’t ask you to lie for me. I won’t ask you to lie to Todd. But I would appreciate you not telling him unless he asks that I know. I’m worried about… what he’ll do. I love him too much to lose him, Connor.”

Her amber eyes turned shiny as she spoke, as she barely held back the tears that threatened to spill from her eyes. She swallowed around the rock in her throat that formed at the idea of losing Todd, of him leaving her. She would go to the ends of the Earth to find him if he ran and she knew, she knew, he would do everything in his power to stay away from her if it came to that.

But she wanted him to know. His being a monster changed nothing for her. She still loved him, loved his soul, knew his soul. She had known him all her life without even knowing it. And every part of her loved every part of him, and always would. Monster and all.​
 

Sam wasn’t quite ready for when Connor hugged her gently like she was fragile and might break if he held her too tight. She felt her lip tremble as she realized how much she had actually needed a hug. Her arms went up around Connor’s back and she shivered, hugging him back. She stayed in the hug for what felt like forever, but must have only been a few moments, before pulling away. She smiled up at the man, a stray tear shimmering as it trailed down her face. She wiped it off her lightly freckled cheek and chuckled.

“Thank you, Connor. For caring. I just– I just want Todd to be happy and to feel safe around me. So I need to figure out what he really is. Because I’ve never heard of a meta who had to… well, you know.”

She took Connor’s hand again and pulled him up the stairs and into the library. The building was big, two stories, with a few scattered study rooms. She sighed as they walked in, then dragged them right up to the receptionist’s desk. After a brief discussion, they were shown to their room, and after another brief discussion, they were given directions toward the mythology section.

Sam dragged Connor through the library, speaking in a hushed voice. “Okay, what do we know? We know that he has to eat… what he has to eat. We know he’s strong, fast, and heals incredibly well. He’s always cold, and that might have something to do with it too. He can see in the dark, and hear and smell better than anyone else. What do you think, Connor?”​
 

“Vampires! That sounds good. We can start there, and then in your case, maybe we should look at werewolves? I think you guys both have some connections there too.”

Sam started to grab every book she could find on vampires. Some of them were older looking, like The Vampire Book by J. Gordon Melton, and some were newer looking, like The Element Encyclopedia of Vampires by Theresa Cheung. And then some were battered and worn and as old as could be, like Treatise on Vampires & Revenants: The Phantom World by Dom Augustine Calmet. There were many other titles, but she grabbed as many of the ones that seemed to be geared toward the different kinds of vampires throughout world mythology.

When she had as many books as she could stack on top of each other, she gestured with her head back toward the room they had been shown to. “Grab what you can and meet me back at the room.”

Sam started back, her tower of books swaying slightly as she balanced it. Several of the other library-goers stared at her in awe as she walked past, a tower of easily three feet in her arms. She gave them small smiles and head nos as she backed into the study room. She dropped the stack on the table and began to sort through them, making new piles.​
 

Sam had already discarded the first three books upon discovering they were watered-down versions of the books she was actually interested in– covering only one type of vampire, and not many. Although she set aside the ones that discussed vampires and souls tentatively.

She felt something in her chest twist into knots as she looked at that small stack of books. She made a noncommittal noise to Connor’s comment about werewolves. She’d heard him, and she was sure they would reach those thoughts very soon. But while they were on the topic of vampires, something else ran through her head. Something that had running through her mind for the last week.

“Connor… a lot of these monsters we’re going to look at, these creatures tend not to have… souls.” She swallowed hard and stopped moving, staring down at the page about Vrykolakas. She looked up at Connor as her heart did another painful twist. She could feel it spreading to her stomach and up her throat, tying her insides into knots. “But you and Todd have souls. Right? Like you guys feel love and happiness and you have humanity. You guys aren’t soulless, right?”

She didn’t want to say what it was that was troubling her. She didn’t want to say that she didn’t know what she would do if Todd didn’t have a soul and couldn’t love her. She didn’t want to admit that that would break her heart so thoroughly that she wasn’t sure she’d ever recover. She didn’t want to admit that even if he was just using her, or toying with her, she would still love him so much that she would fall to pieces for him. That she would give him pieces of her if he asked for them.

She closed her eyes at that thought. At that horribly intrusive thought that had appeared in her head during the last week. Seeing him, burn scars faded but still very much present, and then with that limp– something dark had entered her mind when she saw him like that. He clearly hadn’t eaten. And it was while they were talking in the hall, while he had that limp, but still looking at her in that way that made everything inside her melt, that she thought it for the first time. “If I offered pieces of me, would he accept it?”

Even now, she couldn’t quite shake the thought. She knew he wouldn’t. Or, well, she thought he wouldn’t. Because in Sam’s mind, Todd had a soul, and that soul had humanity, and that humanity would balk at the idea of taking part of her like that. If he had wanted that enough, he would have taken all of her already. But he hadn’t, and she felt like that meant something. He had to have a soul. She saw that soul in his eyes, saw it in his smile, felt it in his touch.

But if Connor said no, if he said neither of them had souls, Sam would– Sam would– she didn’t know what she would do. She just didn’t know. If he didn’t have a soul, then how could she possibly–

She opened her eyes and smiled sadly. “Please be honest. What do you think?”​
 

The intense wave of relief that washed over Sam drowned out everything else. Her eyes closed as she sighed. She had never been a religious person. Her grandmother was Catholic but had never pushed the religion onto her mother or herself. Because of this, Sam didn’t have any knowledge of what religions said about the soul. She liked this Sister Sophia, though. She sounded like she had been a wonderful person.

Following the relief as Sam opened her eyes was a sad concern. Connor looked lost. He looked like he was struggling with his emotions. She cleared her throat and then she gave a real smile to Connor, even if it was twinged with that same sadness. “I believe in you too, you know. At least, I hope you know. Just because I’m Todd’s ma– Todd’s, doesn’t mean I don’t believe in you too. I know it’s not the same. And I’m sorry about that. But I hope what I have to give you is enough.”

Her smile turned soft, friendly, and adoring. Sam did care for Connor, in the inexplicable way she cared for people who fit into her life like puzzle pieces. It was like there had always been a Connor-sized space, right between Nat and Todd, right below Adelyn, all wrapped up in a box and perfectly filling the space meant for them. She loved all four of them in unique ways. Adelyn was like her sister, Nat, a student and kid brother, Connor, a best friend that she hadn’t ever expected. And Todd. Todd who fit into her soul like he was meant to be there, like he had always been there.

Connor thought they had souls. He also thought Todd loved her, despite the fact he had never said the words to her. That filled her with a sense of comfort, but also raised a question in her. “Why are you so sure he loves me? I mean, I thought– well, I thought he might love me. But he didn’t say it to me when I said it to him. In fact he– never mind.”​
 

Connor’s answer only gave her more questions. She stopped mid-way through the entry on aswang, pausing just as the book began to explain the different subsects of the term, and how the ghoul version had teeth that were sharp and strong, and how they ate fresh corpses. She made a quick note in her notebook she had brought with her.

Aswang ghouls- further information needed.


Then she looked up and she hesitated for a moment. She was pretty sure she knew what Connor was avoiding saying. But she was really hoping she was wrong. “Connor… Does Todd think I’m going to kill him?”

She swallowed hard against the feelings that bubbled up inside her at the statement. The fact that her soulmate thought she was going to kill him was hard to understand. Did this mean he didn’t feel that they were soulmates? Did this mean that he was her soulmate… but she wasn’t his? Could it even work that way? She and Alice had both known from almost the moment they had met eyes that they were meant to be together, no matter what.

It had taken just a single day for Sam to be comfortable enough with Todd, and for him to be comfortable enough with her, for their click to happen. But now that she reflected on it, she hadn’t seen it reflected in his eyes. It hadn’t been until the night on the roof that she had seen in his eyes that mine. But then, Sam had started to think that this was something more powerful than even the word “soulmate” covered. There wasn’t any word, not even mate, that covered the intensity and desperation of mine.

But with that in mind, knowing he hadn’t seemed to feel it by the end of that first day, the way she had, that was what had first made her begin to question things. Connor saying Todd loved her helped to assuage her fears, but the idea that he thought she could and would kill him, that it was only a matter of time before it happened, that worried her.​
 
“Or that you'll love the monst-"

Connor’s declaration gave Sam pause, but even more so, the line he had said before it. She appreciated his words, that he wouldn’t let anything happen to either of them. That meant a lot to her, and she smiled brightly at him in response. But her smile quickly faded as she focused on the other statement he had made. Or rather, the entirety of what he had said.

Todd was afraid she was going to have to kill him. But Todd was more afraid that she would let him eat her, it seemed. She thought about those intrusive thoughts, about letting him eat her. About giving him pieces of her. And she realized that if he tried to kill her, she would absolutely let him have her. She would let Todd eat her.

That probably wasn’t good. She should probably want to fight for her life, to kill him if he tried. But she just didn’t. She couldn’t imagine fighting Todd, of lifting her hammer against him, of using her heat against him. Just because he had proven he could withstand her heat didn’t mean that she wanted to subject him to that again. No, she would much rather die than hurt Todd, in any universe.

The most concerning part of the statement was by far the last line, though. That she would love the monster? What monster? Did Todd consider himself a separate being from the part of him that ate people? She knew they were the same person, she knew that from that dinner where he had fought himself, where he had tried so hard to not bite her. Todd was just Todd. So what did that mean? She frowned and looked up at Connor.

“I appreciate that more than I can express, Connor. I know you wouldn’t let anything happen to either of us. But, I just– what does that mean? Love his monster? I mean, Todd is just Todd. I love every part of him.”​
 

Sam was quiet for a moment as she considered what that meant. Todd thought he was two halves, a man and a monster. He was concerned she would fall in love with the monster– the part that ate people, that was a predator, that wanted in some part to eat her. It was the part of him, she assumed, that was all violence. There was a strangeness to this idea for her. She had always thought these parts of him– the violence, the predator, and more recently, the cannibal– were just parts of the whole. The fact that he didn’t think of it that way– she really was going to have to talk to him.

She gave him a smile and looked back down at the entry for Leanan-Sidhe, almost immediately discounting it. She thought for another moment before she gave Connor a sad second smile. “I want to give him the space to tell me first. If he doesn’t, I’m going to tell him. I’m going to sit him down and tell him I know. Okay? So you don’t need to worry about this. I’m going to handle it, to talk to him.”

She closed her third book and then looked at the pile she had set aside for research on monsters and souls. Todd wasn’t a monster. Todd was a human. Todd had a soul. She knew he did, even if he wasn’t sure if he did, which was a part of the conclusion she was coming to. She would show him he did, she would give him love until he could find it in himself. Once he could fully admit to what he felt, then he would understand. You couldn’t love without a soul. Love was what made humans human. It was what proved they had souls.

And Todd loved her. Even Connor could tell. She knew, Connor knew, but it was up to Todd to realize it. It was up to him to come to that conclusion. He couldn’t just be told. He needed to figure it out himself.​
 

Sam sighed in response to Connor’s statement. She knew he was right, of course. They needed to talk to each other. They needed to have a serious talk. A straightforward talk. Sam didn’t like secrecy. She didn’t like lies. And right now, Todd wasn’t giving her the honesty she needed from their relationship. She was going to make it work. She was going to figure it out.

She set aside her last vampire book and shook her head, her curly ponytail bouncing. The curls had started to look like actual curls again, tightening back up into moderate spirals. She had started taking better care of her hair, and it was showing. After all, Todd’s curls were almost perfect, and she refused to be the one who was a train wreck. Only one of them could be a trainwreck at a time, and right then, Todd got to wear that hat.

“I think you’re right. I don’t think he’s a werewolf. I’m actually leaning toward some kind of ghoul now, I think. Some of the vampire lore talked about them, and it seems like the major joining factor is uh. Consumption of dead people.” She said the words softly and low, as though worried someone might overhear them, despite their private room.

“I think that might be a better angle to start looking at. I just don’t know where to start. Seems like there’s a lot in African and European lore, and some Native American ones too. I’m going to ask the librarian if they have any specialized books on the subject. I didn’t see anything that I can remember from the shelves.”

Sam looked down at her list, taking in the few written notes there.

Aswang
Ghouls/Ghuls
Rakshasa?
Jikininki?
Need more information. Japanese, Arabian, and Hindu. Check Native American and other European sources- seem to crop up.
 

“Wendigos? I don’t know what that is, but I’ll go check with the librarian.” Sam stood, stacking up as many of the books as she could before the stack began to teeter. She could bring the books back to the front for restocking while she went up. She left the room, making sure to close the door behind her. She didn’t want Connor to be disturbed while they were working.

She carried the towering stack back to the front desk and caught sight of the time. God, they had been at this for hours already. They still had plenty of time before the library closed, but she was going to have to treat Connor to dinner after this. He was helping her more than she could begin to express. Having more eyes was definitely helping her.

She approached the front counter to see a middle-aged man, leaning over what looked like some kind of old, written log. He was typing whatever it was into the computer, but looked up as she approached… and kept looking up. Sam realized then that she had easily fifteen books in her teetering stack. She smiled, realizing that the weight of this was enough to get her looks. The man, for his part, didn’t say a word about it, just accepted the stack in pieces. He thanked her for returning the books, but she was quick to catch his attention again.

“I’m so sorry to disturb you–”

“M’dear, my job is to be here to be disturbed. How can I help you?”

Sam smiled gratefully, flashing her her best disarming smile. The smile, combined with her small stature and soft features, never failed to get the response she wanted, and just like magic, the man seemed to get flustered. It helped to keep people from remembering the conversation in deep detail. They almost always forgot it in favor of the smile. “Could you point me in the direction of books on wendigos, or Native American lore in general that might include information on them? And also any you might have on cannibalism.”

“O-of course, dear. That’s going to be in section CAD, both of them, about halfway down the aisle, under twelve-thirty, and on. Native American Lore is in section DEB, left side, fifty-two through sixty-nine. Please let me know if you need help finding it.” There was a softness to his voice then, and Sam felt a twinge of guilt at the deception, but it was necessary. The fewer tracks there were to trace about Sam looking up wendigos, the better.

“Thank you so much. I think I can find it from here.” Another award-winning smile and she was off, feeling the eyes of the man watching her back as she almost ran her way to the section.

Upon arriving, she found several books on the wendigo, as well as several surprising ones on cannibalism mythology. She picked them up, including one titled Eaters of the Dead: Myths and Realities of Cannibal Monsters by Kevin J. Wetmore Jr. According to the index, there was an entire chapter on just wendgios, and a long one at that. She snatched up another ten or twelve books and made her way back to the room.

“Okay, Connor. I found some on wendigos, some on Native American myths, and some on cannibalistic monsters. One of these looks really promising.”

She set the books down, dishing out several to Connor, including a copy of the The Wendigo by Algernon Blackwood. It was fiction, but maybe it would help to shed some light on wendigos anyway.​
 

Sam saw Connor quickly toss away the book with a frown and passed him a copy of Dangerous Spirits: The Windigo in Myth and History by Shawn Smallman, smiling. She herself was flipping through a chapter in Eaters of the Dead, a chapter entirely devoted to the wendigo. She was reading it carefully instead of speed reading as she had been for the vampire and werewolf books. Already, she was taking notes, notes of things that made sense, of things that fit.

The more she read, the more the pieces clicked into place, and what Connor said only added to it. Sure, Todd didn’t transform into a monster in the winter, not like this book stated they did in the mythology, but so much more made sense. A cannibal with a heart made of ice– that easily could have been about the cold chill that always seemed to cling to Todd, like he could never be warm enough, even when he wore layers and layers.

“Once one eats human flesh, one is now a wendigo and will not stop eating human flesh.”

This, this meant that at some point, Todd had, however the case, ingested human flesh at some point initially for it to kick in. Everything in the chapter said that the consumption of humans was what started it all, that to become a wendigo, you had to eat flesh, at least once, once of your own volition. You weren’t ever just born a wendigo. But Todd had been– he had said his father was a human, but his mother could also have been like this. But that information hunt could happen later.

According to the chapter, although a wendigo had to consume human flesh, they could and would eat just about anything. Sam thought about how Todd seemed to have a never-ending appetite. She herself could pack away enough food for a family of four, but he never seemed to have eaten enough, not even after they had cleared the entire table of food. If Todd was an avatar of hunger, cursed by starvation between his meals, then it made sense that he never had enough.

But then she read something and paused. She looked up from the book, then back down, and a sad smile came over her face.

“Most historic reports of wendigos are of them attacking their own families, spouses and children first.”

Did Todd know what he was? Had he done this same research at some point in his life and discovered these same things? She had no way of knowing, but she could imagine a young Todd sifting through books and trying to find something, anything that explained his condition. Had he seen these exact words? Was this why he thought she would have to kill him, because he assumed he would break and attack her? That he wouldn’t have the self-control not to eat her? She shook her head.

She knew him better than that. Todd might be afraid of what he was, but Sam was not. She could never be afraid of him. She knew him too well, knew he would never hurt her. Not like that. No matter how much he worried he would kill her, she had felt the gentleness of his touch and knew those hands would never hurt her. She had felt the softness of his kiss and knew those teeth would never tear into her.

And even if they did, she would never raise her hand to him.

All that any of this did was just confirm to her that Todd was likely a wendigo, and as it seemed almost specifically a Native American thing, he was likely Native American in heritage. That explained the tone of his skin, the warmth that kissed him, at least up until the days right before he needed to eat. Like how he had looked for the last few days, so much paler than normal, that warmth all but gone under the ashen look of tiredness.

She looked up from the book, not knowing if seconds or minutes or longer had passed since Connor spoke. “I think you are really onto something. According to this book, there are a lot of things that relate to Todd. A heart of ice, which I’m taking to mean icy skin. There’s lore about them being stronger and faster than regular humans, that they’re more agile too. And there’s something in here about voice mimicry, and Todd can shapeshift. God, I wonder if he can look like people he’s eaten.”​
 
“I wonder. I’ll have to ask that, I’m sure he won’t mind telling me. There’s no reason he would hide that from me. He technically told me everything he could do when we had dinner last, he just. You know, didn’t mention he ate people.” She said it with a little, calm laugh. She pushed back a stray curl back, her hands steady.

She kept reading, now reading stories of wendigo sightings and attacks from history. She wondered how many of them had actually been real wendigos. How many of them had been the kind of being her cannibal? She refused to refer to him as a monster. He wasn’t a monster in her eyes, no matter how much he was in his own. And she knew him well enough– oh, she knew him so well– that she knew he thought of himself as a monster.

“I should be scared, right? I should be scared of him. Or maybe angry. Maybe I should hate him. Why don’t I? He’s been lying about what he is, and I have no fear or anger. And it doesn’t take a lot to get me angry. So why am I not angry about this? Is there… something wrong with me, Connor?”

She looked up and across the table, her eyes wide and sad. There had to be something wrong with her. That was the only thing that made sense. Sam had to be broken in some way to know what Todd was, to still want him, to still love him. By all accounts, to all the rest of the world, Todd was a monster. In a moment of amusement, the thought crossed her mind, Am I a monsterfucker? Is that what I’m into?

At least, Sam thought she had thought it in her head. Until she felt her lips move, and heard her own voice echo the words out loud. She immediately blushed and closed her eyes, internally cringing. Well. That was that, she guessed.​
 

Sam winced and smiled as Connor tried to address her accidental question. She smiled, her smile a little lopsided as she chuckled. “I’ll be honest– that was supposed to be an inside thought. I have no idea why I said it out loud. But you’re right. I loved Todd before I knew what he was, and I’d love him even if I didn’t know what he was. Even if he wasn’t a… wendigo. Speaking of, I think we hit the jackpot with this. I think he’s a wendigo.”

She couldn’t help the way her voice rose slightly in excitement. This was a breakthrough she hadn’t been expecting. She had been cautiously hopeful about finding answers, but this, this was an entire answer. This was more than she could have hoped for. With this, she felt confident enough to approach him, to start the conversation they would desperately need to have. While Sam wasn’t going to tell Connor this, she knew for a fact that Todd wouldn’t tell her of his own volition. Especially not if he thought she’d kill him, or let him kill her. Not if he thought it would break them, and only one of them would make it out alive.

No, he wouldn’t tell her. So she was going to have to tell him. But first, there was more to look into. Todd had given her enough facts to look him up online, to see if she could find out some answers to other questions she had. Why had he been in the foster system? When had this all started? Why was his father the monster, if he was the one who was human?

All questions she could find the answers to online.

She looked down at her notes she had jotted down after the dinner they’d had, and she thought about them. “Redding, cannibal, early 2000s.” There was likely going to be very little online about this, but it was worth a shot. She knew the chances were long, but if there had been any incidents at all, she could find them. She looked up at Connor and smiled. “Thank you so much for your help, Connor. I could never have guessed a wendigo. I have a bit more research I need to do, but it’s on the computer. Do you, uh, want to stick around, or do you want to head out now? It wouldn’t bother me if you chose to leave, I know technology isn’t really your thing.”​
 

Sam smiled wide and returned Connor’s sentiment with a nod. She enjoyed being around Connor. She wasn’t one for friends. Sam had been a solitary creature ever since she was young. She had no trouble making friends or getting people’s attention. When you could smile like a movie star and look as cute and friendly as she did, even with the black lips and the cat-lined eyes, people tended to want to be around you. But she’d had only two real friends her entire childhood, and then it had been Alice.

She didn’t make real friends easily. It was hard for her to let people in, to accept friendship when she knew she was dangerous for most people to be around. Hell, she had just proven how dangerous she was with Todd. She had burned him up, and just because he had healed from it, it didn’t make her any less dangerous. Sam knew what she was, and she didn’t want to hurt people. Not only that, but she built walls inside her head.

Connor was one of the few people in a very long time who had taken those walls and walked right past them like they weren’t even there. Todd had been the first since Alice, and that had opened the door for Connor to step through. Nat and Addy were like little siblings to her, kid siblings whom she felt the need to look out for. But not Connor. Connor was more like an older sibling, or maybe just someone she could be on equal footing with.

It was nice. She hadn’t felt this way since Joshua left her apartment in Columbus six years ago. Six years ago, when her own actions had cost her her family. That brought a soft but sad smile to her face, and she looked up at Connor. His hair was almost the same color as Joshua’s. Thankfully he didn’t have their gold eyes, and his face was obscured by that beard, but god their hair color was exactly the same.

“Thank you, Connor. For being here. I really do mean it. I don’t make friends easy and you…” She had stupid tears in her eyes, that she wiped away with the sleeve of her cowl-necked sweater, pulling it out from beneath her leather jacket’s sleeve. She cleared her throat before continuing, “And you are wonderful. Thank you for caring about us. I’m going to, uh, go get set up on the computer. Feel free to go grab stuff and join me, or just wander! I’ll come and find you when I’m done, no matter where you are.”​
 

Sam threw her arms around Connor as he scooped her up. She hugged him back tightly, just enough for him to feel it, but not enough to hurt the gentle giant. When he set her down, she caught his hand and squeezed it before he wandered off. She wiped her eyes one more time on her sleeve before making for the computers.

The computer setup was on a long winding table that cut through the middle of the aisles. Given how late it had gotten, there were barely any occupied seats. She managed to find a seat away from everyone else, and away from any prying eyes that might be curious as to what she was doing.

A cannibal in Redding, California. Honestly, that shouldn’t be hard to find. Surely there hadn’t been many cannibals in Redding over the years. She typed in her keywords and was surprised when Google tried to autofill her search with “the Redding Butcher”. She kept typing, but even as she finished entering her phrase and hit search, the very first result was an article about the Redding Butcher.

Sam swallowed as she realized that this was likely what she was looking for. There was a feeling in her chest weighing her down. She didn’t want to snoop. She really didn’t. But if it helped her to understand her mate, hers, then she would do it. She would do whatever needed to be done.

She clicked on the first link and started down the horrible rabbit hole that was Lyle Hart. Every new article made Sam shiver and pause. There were long moments when she couldn’t click on the next link. On the second link were photos of Lyle Hart and Madeline Hart, and she had breathed in sharply at their faces. A half Native American woman with hair the color of Todd’s, and a young white man with his curls and his eyes. Oh. Oh, those were definitely Todd’s parents.

That made Todd Oscar Fowler actually Lyle Nicolas Hart.

No. No, Todd was Todd. There was no one else he could be other than Todd. He wasn’t Lyle Nicolas Hart anymore. He was Todd Oscar Fowler. He was her Todd. And that was what he would always be, this old name be damned.

The more she read, the sicker she felt. Twenty-six murders, and all of them fed to Madeline. Twenty-six. God, that was so many lives. But then, Todd had eaten far more people. She felt a twinge of sadness for him. A genetic curse that left him with this horrible fate. Madeline, who hadn’t ever known what she was. Madeline, whom Lyle had killed and fed to Todd when he was so young. Like Madeline, Todd was left with this need, and none of it would ever have happened if it wasn’t for this monster.

Then, then she found the interview. The horrible, horrible interview. She’d pulled out her headphones and plugged them in, listening to it. And slowly, slowly her already frowning face became horrified, and by the end, she wanted to cry.

Was this what Todd was worried about? Her, becoming like his father? Her, wanting to feed people to him, and her, falling in love with the part that ate people? Her, thinking that he was at his most beautiful when he was at his most monstrous? Her, becoming this.

God, no. She could never. The idea of this made her so sick. She couldn’t imagine ever feeding Todd people. If she had to, if he was dying and couldn’t hunt, she’d be able to stomach it, but that was an extreme, an unlikely situation. She couldn’t– she wouldn’t–

Sam felt her face getting wet. She reached up and wiped her tears on her sweater. God, this was heartbreaking. How could Todd ever expect something like this from her? Didn’t he know her? Didn’t he know her better than this? Didn’t he know she would never do something like this? That hurt. That hurt a lot. She didn’t know how to show him that she would never do that. She didn’t know how to explain without telling him that she wasn’t like that. God, it hurt her so much.

What was she supposed to do now? Knowing this was what Todd feared she’d turn into. No wonder he was afraid of them, no wonder he had been so adamant at the beginning that he wasn’t looking for a relationship. She remembered the words he had used when she had pushed for him to be with her.

“It doesn’t sound like you’re giving me a choice, Sam.”

He didn’t like to touch her. He gave her what she took, but he never gave of his own volition. He didn’t want to give of his own volition. She was taking what she wanted and Todd had never wanted this to begin with. God, what if he didn’t really want her at all? What if he had never wanted her, but he was just so scared of her strength, of her heat, that he was giving her whatever she wanted to keep himself safe?

No. No, she couldn’t think like that. If Todd didn’t want her, then he wouldn’t be doing this. He wouldn’t be risking it. He wouldn’t be fighting his monsters to be with her, he wouldn’t be worried about her becoming his father. And if he only wanted to eat her, he would have done so already. She had made herself so vulnerable to him so many times. There had been so many times they just sat on her couch together, there had been so many kisses that had left space open for him to go for her neck if he wanted to. Hell, he could have gone for it at dinner. He had started to. In that moment she thought would turn to intimacy, would turn to him saying he loved her too, he had fought back his desire to go for her throat.

Todd loved her. Even if this had started when he didn’t want it, even if she had dragged him into a relationship he wasn’t ready for or hadn’t wanted, he loved her now. She couldn’t dwell on that. She couldn’t let herself drown in it. There were more important things to deal with now.

How could she convince him, when she told him she knew, that she wasn’t like his father? How could she convince him that she loved him whole, as he was, but that that didn’t mean she loved the monster the way his father had loved his mother’s? Would he even listen, or would he run from her? God, please, don’t let him run from her. She didn’t know what she would do if he did that.

She would figure this out. She had time. She had time to think of it, to solve it. She could do it. She could love him and show him he was worth loving, her wendigo. She could give him everything and have him not be scared of her. She could convince him to give her everything and that she wasn’t scared of him. His monster didn’t scare her. He could never scare her.

God, she just wanted to go home and hold him and cry. She wanted to weave her fingers through those tight curls so like his father’s but so colored by his mother’s hair, and she wanted to tell him they would never be them. They would never be that broken. They would never be so wrong. Not when they were a they, not while he was hers, not while she was his. They were different. They were meant for one another in a way that nothing could break.

Sam was stronger than Lyle. Her mind hadn’t broken when she had found out. She’d had some bad thoughts, thoughts about offering everything she could to him, but they were just that. Thoughts. And thoughts weren’t actions, and she wasn’t in love with the part of him that was a monster. She wanted to give him that because she didn’t know how else to help him.

But she could help him now. Now that she knew, she could be there for her wendigo. He wouldn’t have to be alone, not ever again. He wouldn’t ever have to be afraid of her becoming a monster. Because that’s what Lyle was. He was a monster. And Sam was better than him. Sam was stronger than him, and she wouldn’t break under the knowledge of what Todd was. Not the way his father had.

Sam would never feed anyone to Todd.

She wiped her face clean of tears again and grabbed her headphones. She quickly cleared the browser history and stood, tucking her headphones back into her backpack. She hurried back into the rows of books until she found Connor. He was sitting in the children’s section amidst a sea of books. She sat down next to him and leaned until her head rested on his arm.

“I have found out… things. Connor, bad things.”​
 

“I don’t even…” She took a deep breath and tried to ground herself so she didn’t start to fully cry in the library. She put her hands on the floor and felt the carpeted floor. She let the fibers run loosely between her fingers. One breath. She felt Connor’s hand, warm by anyone normal’s standards, touching her head, brushing softly over her hair. Two breaths. She felt her own hair, smooth and sleek where it lay against her skin, on the back of her neck where her suit and sweater didn’t quite cover it. Three breaths.

“Todd’s father. He was a monster. Not like Todd is, that was his mother. But Todd’s father, he. He fed people to Todd’s mother. Twenty-five of them. And then he, Connor, then he fed Todd’s mother to Todd. He’s been through something so horrible, and he was so young. All the newspapers and articles say he was nine when it happened.”

She pressed her forehead to Connor’s bicep and cried softly, tears streaming silently down her face as she took more deep breaths to try and stem it. She could tell she was getting Connor’s clothes wet with her tears, but she was sure he’d understand.

“I can’t believe he’s been dealing with this his whole life. It's no wonder he’s worried I’ll end up in love with just the cannibal. His father did that. It broke him when he found out what she was.” She wiped her eyes on her sleeve again and gasped in a little breath before she shook her head aggressively, her voice coming back to life with a fierceness that she had almost lost. “I won’t be that. I would never do that to him. Not ever. I’m not his father. I’m stronger than that.”​
 
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