While Malachite spoke, Todd rested his arms on the back of the chair, and rested his forehead on them, so that his prisoner couldn’t see his face. He didn’t want him to notice the way Todd’s face darkened, the way his eyes narrowed, the way his jaw set in a white line. His chest had a tight knot in it. Anyone else may have blamed that on indigestion, but Todd didn’t get indigestion. His body was made to hold, process, and distribute food.
And that was the problem, wasn’t it?
He was quiet when Mal was done, quiet for a while, as if digesting the words the same way.
He’d heard about potential “meta-terrorism” cells in the past. Just rumors on the wind, and they almost always turned out to be nothing. But he checked anyway, because there was something about it that didn’t sit right, to Todd. It threw off some kind of balance in his head. And maybe that was just social, maybe that was how he’d conditioned himself. Out of anyone, though, he knew why people might be afraid of metahumans. Why they might be afraid of monsters.
These people wanted a world where monsters could hunt with impunity. And it filled Todd with a fury and a fear that he had to wrestle back into their place under his survival instinct, which would put them to better use than the visions of a world, succeed or fail, with open season on one or the other group. If he didn’t put them back where they belonged, he might take it out on Mal, who he wasn’t quite done with.
But it would be visible, despite Todd’s efforts. His knuckles whitened against the back of the chair, his shoulders were a tight line, his body went rigid and still. That was the main sign he hadn’t outright fallen asleep.
“Well, Mal, there's a mistake in your sales pitch. Not all of us want freedom.”
His voice was tight, but he breathed, slowly, reigning himself in, focusing on the cold as it reminded him he wasn’t done. As he let it remind himself what he was. He licked his lips, tasted what was left of the blood there, Mal’s blood. And in his chest, the knot unwound enough for him to raise his head, to look at Malachite and show him that there was worry, hunger, and – almost hidden – fear in his eyes. He let the prisoner see that he knew what he was.
“Safety, sure, why not, I'll take it. Survival. Security. The ability to live, yes. But freedom to be what we are, openly? You've clearly never wanted to be normal. And why would you, right? You've got one of the cool abilities. Turn your skin into other stuff. Whoop dee fucking day. You're not one of the reasons people are afraid. A little kid sees a guy on the street who turns into metal and he's going to think you're a fucking superhero. That's you.”
Todd gestured around them. Gestured to the blood, to Mal, to himself, and rather than rise to fever pitch, it started to drop to something cold and hard.
“Now look around us. Look at all this, look at your hands for fuck's sake. Look at me. Maybe you're a bad example - you fucked with me. Whatever. Look at Mark. Oh wait, you can't. At least he got to die in his sleep.”
Something in Todd had started, was going, and wouldn’t be stopped until it was done. He really thought he’d killed this habit after Arlo, but apparently fucking not. Maybe it had been his attempt to scare Nat that reawakened this, the part of him that wanted his prey to hear what was happening, to have a final say before they died.
Maybe he just didn’t want a living soul to hear it, and so he told the dying ones all the things he told himself when he was alone.
“You're not a predator, Mal. And I don't mean that the way I did earlier. You're not a real monster. You don't get the- the itch. An ache that lives so far down in your bones it’s never going to go away. Your body isn't built, geared, evolved, whatever - you're not literally designed for the sole purpose of killing people. Everything about me is made to be a monster. I have the feral part in me that likes the hunting, likes the killing, likes devouring other life. Not even animals enjoy the devouring. And that part does not deserve freedom.”
He stopped. He remembered what he was talking to – who he was talking to. Maybe he was stretching, maybe some small part of him was reaching out for conversation about this, or maybe he was challenging Mal to try to change his mind before he was reduced to meat. Maybe he wanted to see if someone could change his mind. His world would certainly be fucking easier if he heard a compelling argument in favor of the monster for once.
“People have a right to their fear, Mal. Maybe not to the torches and pitchforks, but they have a right to be afraid and still live their lives. I've seen the reason why they're afraid and I'm afraid of it, too. I would take the chance to be normal over the chance to be my monster any day of the week, no questions asked. Maybe I'm just used to going against the grain, I'd rather be one of them than what I am. What your revolution would ask me to be.”
And finally, Todd caught his breath, and then sighed, the fight draining out of him, leaving room if Mal wanted to try to use any of his own remaining breath to try an intervention.