Fights happened a lot slower in real life than they did in movies, or even blog articles. Movies had the added bonus of camera angle, of trained actors and body-doubles. Nobody really got hurt in a movie. And a news article added description, padding, almost as much as fantasy. But a real fight was over quickly, and no amount of skewing her perceptions could change that Hazel had only been under the table for a minute since the first strike landed, and now –
She tried to breathe. Her chest was tight, but she couldn’t take her eyes off the body, off the man who’d been a man a second ago and who’d just been shot four times and been fine, but Obsidian touched him and – and –
There was no camera to watch herself from. She wished there was. It would’ve encouraged her to stay in view of it, to watch herself recover. It would’ve been better to watch Cain die with that added layer of distance, that separation, where she wouldn’t see a living, breathing man go still and quiet soaked horribly in his own blood. A man who a minute ago had been alive and flirting and drinking and laughing. Who’d laughed until he died, a sound that Hazel really wished she hadn’t had to hear in stereo.
Focus. She had to focus, to pull herself out of this spiral. There wasn’t a camera, but she had other senses. She forced her eyes to close, to stop staring at the still body and instead look at their own lids even if all she could still see was Cain’s mangled form. She asked herself what she felt, not with her heart but with her skin. Her drink, clutched in one hand, wet and cold. She could still taste it, smell it even over the – blood, all the blood Cain had used to tear through Slate. Her face was warm, her cheeks were cool – tears. She’d started crying, at some point, maybe because she couldn’t breathe, or maybe because she had just watched a man die, or maybe because –
God, Hazel was a witness. She’d just seen what Obsidian could do first hand. Her breaths started to come in sharp and shallow again, and she felt her body curl in on itself without her direction. She was going to die. She was going to die, there was no way Obsidian was going to let her go after this. She’d never been in this situation before.
She wished Isaiah was here. He’d know what to do. Or at least he’d be here with her. She wouldn’t be dying by herself. But she didn’t want him to die, either. So maybe it was better that she was alone. Maybe it was better that she didn’t drag him into this mess. He’d miss her. But he wouldn’t die of her stupidity.
She shivered as each knock on top of the table pierced her brain. She wasn’t even sure how she could her it; maybe she just imagined it as she heard Obsidian’s voice without hearing his voice. It rattled around between her ears without a direction. He sounded so tired, and he said we need to talk in such a normal tone. She wanted to believe he just wanted to talk, if only so she didn’t feel so scared. Maybe he did just want to talk. Maybe he was going to let her go, as long as she promised to keep quiet about this.
That gave her something to ground herself, as much as she doubted it. She relaxed, even as two more tears rolled down her face. Four beats, breathing in. Seven beats, holding still. Eight beats, breathing out.
There was no dignified way for her to get out from under the table, but she pushed herself back into the booth seat relatively smoothly. She was careful to put the half-finished drink down somewhere that wasn’t covered in papers, then wiped her cheek on the back of her hand. She must look pathetic. She didn’t want to. She didn’t want to be seen as pathetic here. Especially if she was going to die. But she’d always been a little pathetic, hadn’t she? Might as well die the way she’d lived.
She finally took another deep breath, and then looked up at Obsidian. She hoped he didn’t see the fear in her eyes as for the first time, she slid the headphones off. She wouldn’t spend the last minutes of her life alone with his voice.
In a small voice that made her furious with herself, she finally managed a very quiet, “Hi.”