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“I mean. Okay. Some people hurt me really bad. They took away the only person I cared about, before Todd. They killed her. And I’m not going to stop chasing them until they’re dead. I’m going to rip his heart out in front of his eyes and burn it to ash. The last thing he will ever see is my face, his heart in my hands, and I hope he feels the fear I saw in her face that night.”

She stopped and took a shuddering breath, trying to contain the fire inside that threatened to burst free. Sam’s anger was and had always been the one thing about her that made it impossible for her to be a real hero. Not like the stained glass woman at the bank robbery. Sam could never control her violence enough for that. As was evident by the heat emanating from her then.

“For years, it was the only thing I thought about. Revenge. I wanted to take his life and maybe then, maybe then the guilt would go away. Now, now I know that wouldn’t be the case. I’ve… started to soften, I guess. Love will take your edges away and smooth you out, at least in my experience. It was that way with Alice, and it’s that way with Todd, and Adelyn and Nat. They’ve softened my rage. And I… I like that. Maybe I’ll be able to work through the guilt and let it all go. Maybe I’ll go to Philly and rip his heart out still. Who knows. Who knows how this city will keep changing me, y’know?”​
 
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Connor listened carefully, and he smelled her anger, and felt the heat with it. It reminded him of himself, he thought of the people who had wronged him, how much he wanted to tear them apart. How there were so many times he wanted to rip the whole world apart with his teeth.

"A wise man once told me you can use your rage, but never fall to it," Connor said. "He called this Wowacintanka, patience... I used to... and I sometimes still do, let fury command me, I let it fill my blood and body... I've learned to direct it, to command it, that is what... what you saw when I attacked those men that night, I think most people are capable of it, but I think for... animals like me, we all have that beast within us... that's why I don't like being around folk much, because they'll find that out eventually, and they don't tend to like that side of me... but it's a part of me that can never be left behind, it is my nature, and... you can't change nature."

Connor realized how much he was talking, how much he was sharing. How... good, it felt to talk, he was enjoying the conversation. He was enjoying this connection he felt to Sam.

"But... you seem... much more... adaptable than I am... Connor trailed off, he didn't really know what he was trying to say.
 

“No, I think everyone is adaptable. You just need the right circumstances, the right people. Everyone can change. Everyone has that potential in them. It’s a matter of allowing it to happen, of wanting it to happen. Does that make sense?” She gave him a reassuring smile, and then she reflected on what he said as she took another long drink of her Coke.

“I’m definitely guilty of allowing my rage to control me. I’ve learned to better control it recently, but I… I let it run my life for… a while. Longer than I care to admit. I did some horrible things during that time.”

She let that hang in the air, a frown on her face. She could hear it in her head. The sickening crunch of bones. The screams of the men she had tortured. She could practically feel the blood spraying onto her clothing, seeping into her pants. She would never forget any of the faces of the men she had slaughtered. They were stained into her memory like a brand on the skin. Permanent and painful.

“I, ah. I think that these changes in me, they’re for the best. I would have gotten myself killed or burned out if I had kept going the way I was.”​
 
Connor considered what she said, did he want to change? Had he ever considered it? Or merely accepted what everyone said he was? It was a confusing notion, he was an animal, that was that, it was all he could be... right? He frowned, was Sam was saying felt very familiar, yet so very far away.

"I suppose I don't know... but I'm glad... you figured it out."
 

Sam nodded softly and paused. “I don’t think you’re an animal, Connor. You’re a man, a human, who just happens to be different. You’re no more an animal than I am. And even if you’re more animal than man, well. I’m more monster than woman. So maybe this will be a good friendship for both of us. We can be different together.”

She was about to say more, about how being an animal wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, when two waitresses showed up. One of them had a fold-out table, and the other a huge tray. They set up and Sam saw about half of their food had been brought out. Connor’s steaks and mac and cheese, and Sam’s chicken and salmon and fried cheese were all on the tray. The waitresses quickly distributed their plates. “We’ll bring the rest out once it’s done. I hope that’s alright.”

“That’s perfectly fine! Thank you so much!” The two women took off and Sam was quick to start in. She hadn’t eaten in five hours, and could feel how starving she was when the food hit the table. If she avoided food during midday, she usually had no problem sustaining herself off the two meals she did eat, but lunch was always a treat. She started in on all the veggies first, wanting to eat them before they got cold.

Between bites, she managed to continue. “I think being an animal, there’s nothing bad with that. Some of the best people I’ve ever met have been more animals than people. Adelyn is the sweetest kid I’ve ever met, and she’s physically more animal than human.”

And then there was Todd, but Sam was trying hard to not think of him every waking second. It was hard for her to tear her mind off him for even five minutes. If it wasn’t for the mutual claim they had over each other, the mine, she would have tried harder. But that bond, that claim, it was the entire reason she couldn’t pull her mind off her… boyfriend? Mate. That word rang so much truer in her head. She would use that one internally.

“What I mean is, regardless if you’re a man or beast, I’m going to be here. Got it? You’re my friend now.”​
 
Connor tilted his head, friends, they were friends now, she'd said it as if the matter was settled and left no room for argument or complaint. Not that Connor could think of a retort, but he was taken aback by her immediate claiming of him. He stared at her some more, considering her claim of being more monster than woman. She looked like more of a woman to him, then again, maybe she was being metaphorical.

When the meat was placed in front of him, Connor distracted from his thoughts, it had been a while since he had good thick meat. Though he didn't care for what little sear they did put on the cuts, and he would have preferred to hunt it himself. The rush of adrenaline and the taste of hot fresh blood couldn't quite be replicated. Still, it was better than squirrels. Connor neglected the fork and knife he was provided, he picked up the porterhouse with his hands and bit a chunk right out of it like it was made of butter, his sharp and long canines made short work of the meat, and he couldn't help the small snorts and growling noises he made. The bone in the middle of the steak snapped like a twig in his jaws. He quickly scarfed down several of the cuts, while popping whole baked potatoes in his mouth like they were mints and swallowing them with only a few chews.

"I don't mind what I am... just used to people rejecting it... thank you for... being my friend," Connor was getting uncomfortable with the tightness in his chest, between ripping the sirloin apart he changed the subject. "Who is Adelyn?"
 

Sam’s eyes went wide, her right brow rising high on her face as she watched Connor eat. She couldn’t help the way her lips twitched up into a smile until the laughter started pouring out of her, tinkering in pitch but gruff in tone. She caught her breath, and with a big grin, she said, “Been a while since you’ve been to a restaurant, huh? Might want to consider using the silverware if you don’t want weird looks.”

She kept stabbing her vegetables until she had eaten them all, then switched to diving in on the proteins. She personally didn’t mind Connor’s strange tendencies. She had a sneaking suspicion that Todd ate the same way when he wasn’t around her. Something about how long it actually took him to eat and how much he could pack away in a small amount of time, left her feeling like he ate like a savage when she wasn’t around.

But then, she also questioned if he ate at all when she wasn’t there. The amount of weight he seemed to be losing, well. It was alarming her. It almost felt like he was maybe… depressed. And she was so worried it was her fault.

She shook herself from the dark path that her thoughts were going down and smiled at Connor. “Adelyn is this girl I know. She’s got some kind of morphing power, but it’s left her stuck between human and animal. But she’s one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met, y’know? She wants to help make the world better for people like us.”​
 
Connor swallowed another steak, he reached for the next one when Sam's laugh stopped him. He would have been insulted by her suggestion if the laugh wasn't such a pleasant sound. Connor frowned and daintily picked up the knife and fork; both of which looked comically small in his overly large hands. He tried to imagine butchering an animal with his bowie knife, and he sliced the steak into smaller but still very sizeable chunks. A look of concentration on his face as he attempted to appear like he knew what he was doing, yet still when he put the meat in his mouth and still chewed it down with smacking lips like an uncouth animal. He moved on to one of the bowls of mac n cheese and ended up just shovelling as much as he could into his mouth with a spoon.

Connor attempted to smile back, it was an awkward look, almost like his jaw was about to pop open like it did n a hunt. His lips stretched just too far enough to be normal, showing off his rows and rows of sharp and jagged teeth. He dropped the look at quickly as he attempted it.

"Stuck between animal and human sounds familiar, helping people... is a good cause... it seems you attract many animals..." Connor licked the meat juices that clung to his moustache, rather like a dog does his snout without thinking about it. "So you know many... what did you call us? Metas? There's many of them here? And... Todd, how did you meet him?"

Connor was hesitant to bring up her mate, but he was certainly curious how that had come to pass... or how it even worked at all. Another part of him just wanted to know more about Todd by proxy, would be good to know, just in case Todd decided Connor and Sam being friends was a threat.
 

His attempt at a smile made hers turn crooked in amusement. His skills with the fork and knife were atrocious, but at least some of the other diners were no longer staring in their direction. That gave her the freedom to speak easily again. “Yeah, I have met… a lot of metas, more than I ever expected to meet. Seven, including you. Eight including that bastard whose heart I’m going to eat. Apparently, there’s just a lot of us in this city.”

That was the easy question, the one with an answer that didn’t require explaining a complicated and nebulous yet highly specific concept. But then it was onto Todd. She knew this was going to come up, eventually. She sighed softly, and then between bites of her salmon, she spoke. Her voice was soft and tinged with even softer emotions. “Todd and I met at his day job. He’s a mechanic, and my car had broken down. The more time we spent together, the more that, well. I suppose I don’t have to filter this in front of you because you’ll understand it better than anyone else would, I think.”

She leaned back in the seat. Explaining mine to someone was going to be challenging. But for Connor, who was surely far more animalistic than Sam was, maybe it would make sense. “The second time we saw each other, we were in masks. He helped me out of a tight spot, but the moment it was just us again, well. We have this thing, between us. You used the word mates for it, and I suppose that’s the closest word to it, but it’s… so much more than that. My entire being recognized him. And his recognized me. And that was… we couldn’t ignore it even if we wanted to. All I know is that everything I am knows that he is mine.”

She spoke the word with an almost hiss to her voice, as violent a claim as anything. What they had, there was an edge of violence to it, an edge of something sharp and dangerous, and Sam knew it was because they both had the power to absolutely destroy each other. Part of her wanted to ruin him, to bring him to his knees for her, to make him feel the desperation and intensity that she felt. But she knew, she knew he felt it too. The hunger was shared. The violent, all-consuming hunger echoed between the two of them with no need for words to explain it, or quantify it, or prove it.

They simply were each other’s. He was hers. She was his. The mine didn’t need any other words.​
 
Seven metas was a lot compared to most places, most places had none. Even just one meta was enough to shake things up, but seven? Connor wondered how much trouble the lot of them got up to on a daily basis, maybe he shouldn't stick around?

Connor listened to her rant on about Todd, he felt her heart and smelled not rage this time, but it was like rage. Her pasture changed, something in her voice too, it was very animalistic, maybe Sam was being literal with what she said about being more of a monster. This posture, this feeling, it was like Connor was watching a panther lock in on its prey, but Sam was talking about her mate. The sentiment of ownership was like territory, food laid claim to. Connor frowned, and titled his head, studying her. This went beyond romance, or mating, but he decided he wouldn't press any further; it felt far beyond his ability to understand.

"I see... well... it's good you, have someone."
 

Sam sighed a bit but nodded. Maybe she wasn’t explaining it right. Connor said “I see” like he wasn’t sure what she meant. That wasn’t right then. Maybe it was time to bust out her theories. She hadn’t even spoken to Todd about these yet, but maybe Connor would make a good first ear?

“I more than have someone, Connor. I have– god I haven’t said this out loud to anyone before. I have a soulmate. I have a perfect other half. We’re perfectly in balance, perfectly in sync. Perfect opposites made into a perfect whole. I have everything” There was a shakiness to her voice as she said the last few words. It was evident in the shine in her eyes how much she believed this to be true.

“A moon and a sun, ice and fire, a human and a monster. We’re perfect for each other. I have more than someone, I have Todd. Everyone has this one person, this one perfect person out there for them. They rarely ever meet. And I am so lucky as to have met mine.”​
 
Connor considered her words carefully, they struck deeper than Sam's previous statement. Far deeper than merely mates, or romantic partners, indeed, it was a depth of connection that Connor could not fully empathize with. He had never loved like that, never belonged like that. Though he'd read about stuff like this, people bound together by fate or destiny, not always to their benefit. Romeo and Juliet, Bella and Edward, but mostly like...

"It's like Orpheus... and Eurydice," Connor said. "Orpheus could not go on without Eurydice, he would go into Hell for her... but even when he knew he shouldn't, and when he knew it would destroy her... he loved her too much to not look back, and after he lost her he would cast the land with death in mourning for her... until he too was destroyed... is it like that?"
 

Sam paused and took in Connor’s comparison. While she wasn’t much of a reader– high school had killed any love for written words she had– she was very into theater. And she had seen Hadestown, fairly recently as well. That had prompted her to look into the original myth. It was faint in her mind, but she thought about it. The kind of love that was so strong you would go to hell and back for each other, but then you would destroy each other by turning back to see one another because you so longed to be together.

Sam wasn’t even sure that was enough. However, she understood what Connor was getting at, so in a hesitant voice, she said, “That’s… I guess that’s close enough. It’s not a one-to-one representation, but it’s good enough, yeah. I can’t think of anything that explains this, that comes close to faking it.”

She could go down her lists of romance movies, and none of them would come close to her and Todd. The Princess Bride, The Corpse Bride, The Shape of Water, My Fair Lady, Belle, The Phantom of the Opera– everything tried to portray it, to show the depth of this kind of love and hunger, but nothing came close. She was sure there were some stories out there, some loves written in words, that would explain it. Some story somewhere of souls that recognize each other no matter what.

But Sam didn’t know of any of those. If she did, she would have used them as an example. So instead she just agreed with Connor’s example and nodded her head thoughtfully. She turned the conversation back around and onto him, “Connor, have you never been in love?”​
 
Love.

It was a simple word, Connor had read it more than a few times. Really, it was an arrogant word, to think it could so contain the vastness of what the meaning implied. Had Connor ever been in love? Did he truly understand it? How could anyone truly grasp the depths of devotion and want that so filled the sea of one's heart, matched only by the eternity and glory of God himself. Connor remembered what an old friend had told him about love, how it was etched into the heart of man. And yet, Connor could not think of anyone who he'd allowed himself to care for like Sam cared for Todd, like Orpheus did Eurydice, Romeo and Juliet, would Connor die for anyone? Kill for them? Could he devote all that he was to them?

No, not now anyway, but beyond such grand feelings Connor was reminded of a long distant memory, faded now, and buried as he had wished to forget. A girl leaning against a white picket fence, she was dressed in a cream coloured blouse and a purple skirt, her wavy golden hair was stirred by a cool breeze. She was smiling at him, beckoning to him, her deep brown eyes were full of laughter.

"What are you waiting for, big guy?" Miriam laughed. "I don't bite"

Connor's chest filled with pain and longing, and he worried it may show, so he cast the memory aside back into the pit in which it came. Fe felt weakened, vulnerable, in danger, and he stiffed back up; this mustn't do. He'd allowed himself to get far too comfortable and relaxed, lowered his guard too far.

"I don't have a lot of experience, sorry," Connor said, he avoided Sam's gaze again. "So I don't think I can understand it but... I'm glad you're happy."
 

Sam paused. While what he was saying was true, there was something else there. He was feeling something intense. Something he didn’t want to talk about. Well, Sam wasn’t going to push him. If he wanted to tell her about it, in the future, then he would. It would be rude to push.

Still, she hesitated before saying, “I am happy. I’m really happy. I hope that… I hope that you get to have this one day.”

And she meant it, too. She wanted everyone to find their soulmates, to experience what she felt with Todd. She hoped that Connor, with whatever pain he had been through before, would find someone, the right someone, and would be better off for it. Hopefully, his soulmate wasn’t back in Ireland, hopefully they were in the States. Maybe even in Pennsylvania. Maybe even in Pittsburgh. That would be nice, convenient… happy, even.

“Enough of that. Tell me about Ireland. I’ve been to Glasgow before, but never to the countryside. Are you from a city?”​
 
Connor was grateful for the change in subject, the pain in his heart was one he had thought he was past, yet apparently it lingered still. Suddenly he wanted another whiskey, a whole bottle even, until the feeling went away.

"I was very young, but I was from County Killkenny, raised in an orphanage by nuns, they were good people, treated me kindly... there's a city, Kilkenny, it has a castle... but I only remember a little, I remember the hills and how green they were, the forest and how peaceful it was..." Connor frowned, now another longing was touching his heart. It was frustrating, how many of these feelings were hidden in there?
 

She was obviously hitting Connor with uncomfortable questions. For that, she felt bad. She wasn’t trying to. But whoever he had loved before, and the home he had been ripped away from, they both clearly affected him. She felt a little twinge of sadness for him, but she kept it from showing on her face. Instead, she shifted the subject again.

“That sounds like it was really nice. Sorry if I brought up sore memories. Listen, I’d like to do this again at some point. Would you be interested in that? Or maybe we can coordinate on that, uh, problem group we met up with last night. I get the feelings that there’s more to that situation than we’ve handled already. I would love to work with you on it.”

She started to tear into her food with a new ferocity. She wasn’t quite as savage as Connor, but she was aggressive enough that when the waitresses showed back up with their fresh plates and drinks, clearing away the old ones, they gave her a bit of a look. They said nothing though, other than a brief chorus of “enjoy” before walking away. She turned her eyes back to Connor, awaiting his answer.​
 
Connor watch her eat for a moment, he tore into it with almost the same animalistic qualities as him. This, her strange mating feelings towards Todd, and something else... how she had spoken about her and Todd, it was if... she considered herself the animal, the monster. Connor felt, as he neglected his fork for grabbing his salmon with his hands again, that maybe Sam and him might have more in common than he had initially thought.

The ravaged through their food together, and Connor felt he could silently enjoy her company, a rare thing.

"We could hunt together or... eat together or... talk more, if that's what you want"

He was surprised at his answer, and that he meant it. Really, this city had been full of surprised and new experiences for him, like having a meal offered by a friend, even paid for. He had never exchanged numbers with someone before, like he did with Sam outside the restaurant after they had paid or agreed to keep in touch. Nor had he ever felt sad that he was no longer with someone's company, or excited about seeing them again.

Connor figured it may just be possible for an old dog could still learn new tricks.
 
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