RP [CAIN thing] Ambushed! in the cafeteria at an undisclosed location somewhere in New England.

muto mentem

muto mentem

Active member
Luca Langlois had a running theory that very few people actually liked lunch. Breakfast was great because it was the first meal after you stopped trying to sleep. Dinner was great because you ate it around the time you started flagging; you could use it to take a short break and change gears for the night shift. Lunch was the meal everyone would skip if they could. Which made it the ideal meal for socializing.

That was why, on a very brisk Friday, at approximately 11:40 AM, Luca Langlois was standing outside the door to the cafeteria, attempting to psych herself up.

Good evening, Ms. Knight! I’ve got some questions for you. She mimed clicking her new tape recorder on. Thought for a moment. Then grimaced. Click.

“Sounds like I’m about to start debriefing her. She’ll hate that. Probably. Try again.”

Oh, hi, Adrianna! How’s it going? Spoken to your brother, lately? I was just thinking about him–

“--Ew, no. What?” Click.

Wow! Fancy meeting you here! How’s your [injured body part; perform visual inspection on site]? Great! Thanks! While I have you, can I ask you some other questions? Click.

“God. Kill me.” Planning this sort of thing was always so much harder than actually executing it. And, well, she had time, but not that much time. She’d arrived late, to make sure Adrianna was already in there, eating, so that she couldn’t avoid her as easily. But it only took so long to eat, and you didn’t linger on lunch; you ate it fast, to get it over with.

Probably a good mindset to adopt, here. Luca braced herself, and pushed through the doors.

“Hey! Ms. Knight!” She slammed down into the chair opposite Adrianna, without bothering to grab a tray. “How’s it going? Nine doing okay?”
 
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It was a miracle that Luca had managed to find Adrianna in the time following their return from Outpost 34. When they'd first returned, things were trending in a positive direction, with most of a plan of their enemies foiled and one of the Virtues returned to CAIN custody. Additionally, they'd recruited several people who'd been arrayed against them- her long-lost brother, whom everyone presumed dead, included. All in all, it was cause for celebration, until news came in from Fireteam Deva.

Heather's death hit Adrianna hard. She all but vanished from life about campus, only seen rarely at meal times or training, opting to spend most of her time away from everyone else. Her brother was still in processing, and Nathan was at a separate campus. Her only point of contact was through her phone, and it often felt like too much effort. She spent most of her time on autopilot, quiet and avoidant of most, only doing what was necessary as she attempted to process what had actually happened.

It was in one of these few moments of public appearance that Luca found her. Her approach was so sudden and unpredicted that she caught Adrianna by surprise. "Oh. Um, hello, Luca. I'm... fine." It was a clear lie, and she kept her gaze down, to avoid looking at the other woman. "He's still in processing. Haven't had time to check in. I think he's okay, though. Thank you for the help, so that I could text him." It was genuine, but her voice was flat, lacking enthusiasm. She took a moment to collect herself, sighed a moment, and spoke once more. "Did... did you need something?"
 
Oh. This was very clearly a bad time. For a moment, Luca hesitated, passing the tape recorder back and forth between her hands. Then she barreled onward.

"Not really!" She smiled, brightly, trying her best to come across as genuinely cheerful. "I had a whole speech prepared about, like, wanting to create a series of interviews with highly motivated exorcists as part of a plan to improve TEMERITY's training regimen, but, like... That was kind of nonsense. I just wanted to talk, really." The recording device slid into a pocket on her coat, unclicked. Which was a shame; it was nice to have records. But it'd mostly been a prop anyway.

"There aren't a lot of exorcists around who have, um... Our particular set of life experiences. Most of this taskforce was recruited some time in the last few years. Some of them in the last few months. And Rein is always saying I should try to connect with people more. And you look, um... Kind of like you could maybe use someone to talk to? And I don't know if we're friends, but I'm at least, like... Here, I guess! So it seemed like it might be a good idea to try to get to know you better, before, you know, Ophelia manages to have the taskforce is dissolved, or we accomplish our objectives, or whatever."

That hadn't really been the plan, but Adrianna didn't look like she needed to hear about anyone else's problems right now. Maybe that was a copout, but, hey--that didn't make it any less true.
 
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The slightest hint of a frown found its way to Adrianna's face at the thought of task force dissolution, a far cry from her usual neutrality. Why she would consider something so drastic, the exorcist didn't know. They were doing good work in Penance, and had a lot of actionable intel.

It, of course, didn't help that collectively, this was the closest she'd had to a family ever. Especially in the light of what she'd learned about Irving, Hemingway, and IX.

"I... Right."

Needing someone to talk to wasn't wrong, per se. As a matter of fact, Adrianna very much wanted to talk to someone, badly. The issue was, it wasn't Luca she wanted to talk to. It was Nathan. She needed to know what had happened on that hunt, what went wrong, what happened to her, everything. Even if it tore her to pieces, knowing was better than not. She wanted to talk to Heather, bring her back, sit down and really talk to her, about everything. She wanted to tell her... Well, she wasn't sure about that part yet. But there was something there, something that needed to be said that hadn't, that might not ever be said.

"Yeah. Go ahead."
 
Was this a bad time?

Was there going to be, like... A good time?

Luca leaned back, stretching her hands out in front of her and extending her spine, and then settled back into a slight hunch, propping herself up on the table with her elbows.

"What was growing up in the whole, like, super-child-soldier program side of CAIN like? I know what it was like growing up in TEMERITY, and about the general details of the training package, but I don't think I ever saw an account from someone who actually lived through it."
 
A shrug was offered in response. In truth, it was hard to say what it was like, because it was all Adrianna knew. How can you draw comparisons when you don't have another experience to compare to?

"It was a lot of training. Instruction. I don't- really know how to explain it," she said, dropping eyes to her tray. "They started telling me specifics about Sins when I was... twelve, I think. Everything before that was teaching me about my abilities, and how to be careful with them." With that, she looked down to her hands, cracked with gold, with split-iris eyes.

"I don't think I'm the best to ask. It took a lot longer for me, since they found me very young. Maybe someone else will be able to give you a better comparison."
 
"No, that's exactly why I wanted to ask!" Luca said, clasping her hands together under her chin. She kept her eyes locked on Adrianna's, putting on her best earnest smile. "I--um--remember that conversation we had, in the IRC, the other day? About books. And--knowledge of the outside world! And stuff. I was kind of surprised, what you said, about--you know, real things." She'd been surprised by the directness with which she'd said it--'you are wrong about that'--but to be fair, Luca had been lying.

"And it made me curious. Cuz, like... I, you know, um... The whole 'isolation' thing is kind of a pain, isn't it? Like, it must have been worse for you, but--even if someone goes in--get taken in, rather, at, like, eight, that's still four years before you get to talk to more than a couple of people. Do you think it's really necessary? Or--did you, um... Did they do that, with you?"

It was getting a little hard to keep the pep level up. Luca was tired, not that that was anything new, and talking about These Things felt like wading through quicksand even when it was with Rein, who already knew about most of them. But if Adrianna didn't, like, walk away, or deck her, Luca was going to talk to her about them. She'd decided. It was Important that she manage to tell at least one person, and as willing as Gracie would probably be to listen, it had to be someone who actually stood a chance of understanding.
 
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It took Adrianna a moment to realize what specifically Luca was referring to. The conversation in question- really just a brief exchange between the two, in one of the few brief moments she spent on their internal intranet- had truly been just a few passing comments to her, a moment where she noticed a bit of dishonesty between what were supposed to be members of the same team. It had irked her in the moment, so she corrected it, and then moved on. Adrianna hadn't intended for it to leave a lasting impression, but clearly it had.

She took a moment to respond, moving the food on her tray idly. "As I said, I was recruited when I was very young. My blasphemy manifested very early, so I have been with CAIN most of my life." In fact, it was only recently she'd learned it hadn't been since before birth. "Having learned of my manifestation, Irving and Hemingway came to speak with my mother, and recruited me. Due to the concerns of my age and how active my Whisper was, training started quickly, in order to avoid any undue consequences.

"The focus was largely on discipline and control, when I started. Precognition and insight into others seemed to be my most prominent skills, so they flagged me for field work very early. Part of that was how to work with a team, but most of that training was around when I was fourteen and later. Everything before that was one on one, with minimal distractions." Her voice was matter of fact as she gave this short recounting of a section of her childhood.

She fell silent again, for a moment before shrugging. "They... I don't suppose I minded it, at the time. The isolation, I mean. It's... it was only relative. I have always had someone with me. My instructors also would check in frequently. Apparently, my Whisper is- was- more aggressive than most. Its behavior has changed, since Outpost 34." As far as necessity... it was difficult for Adrianna to comment on that. CAIN had experience training exorcists, more than she would likely ever meet in her whole life. Who was she to judge their techniques, if it gave rise to people like those in Task Force "PENNANCE"?
 
Minimal distractions. Discipline and control. Mhm.

The way Adrianna was talking about it, you'd think she was remembering a somewhat stressful project, or an irritating but competent lab partner. But there was a bit of uncertainty there–Luca could see it, bubbling away beneath the surface. Or maybe there was a lot of uncertainty, actually; maybe it was just buried so deeply that only the very tip of it was poking out. If Luca had wanted to, it would have been very easy to pounce on that tip and start picking away at it.

But I don't want to. Right?

There was a moment or two of silence after Adrianna finished.

“Right.” She tipped back in her chair, hooking her foot around a table leg for balance, and crossed her arms over her stomach. Her eyes slid up to the cafeteria ceiling

“I guess it was sort of the same way, for me? I, uh… I don’t have a lot left of my childhood, either–maybe something in the food–but I remember feeling like the isolation was almost a good thing.” Would Adrianna be able to relate to this? She seemed almost cataclysmically lonely, to Luca, but that was always a little hard to read. Some people were just naturally like that. And some of Adrianna’s friends had died, recently, as well, which probably wasn’t helping things on the loneliness front.

Okay, refocus.

“Like, the educational material I got put a lot of effort into making sure you know you’re responsible for every bad thing that’s ever happened around you, and I think maybe I already sort of felt that way, a bit,” or maybe more than a bit, “so before they started letting me see people on my own terms again, there was this part of me that was like, ‘oh, good, this means I won’t be able to hurt people anymore, yayyyyyy!’ Right? Or, like… I don’t know.” She rocked the chair back and forth on its hind legs a couple of times, before letting it fall back onto all fours.

“Anyway, uh–sorry; this isn’t about me.” Hee hee. ”What was your shadow like, before Outpost 34? Other than aggressive, I mean?”
 
Already, Adrianna was beginning to see the differences in their experiences. She frowned for a moment, though her gaze remained locked on the table in front of her.

CAIN hadn't said everything around her was her fault. Even if they had, it would have been difficult to have a lesson like that stick. No, she'd been taught and told that she could see what was going to happen and what was going to do it, and that, sometimes, she would have the opportunity to intervene in those happenings. Occasionally, she would be able to change how it would end. It was how she'd saved Hemingway in the Outpost. It was why what happened to Number disconcerted her. It was why what happened to Heather destroyed her. If only she had known, or checked.

It was easy to get locked in a spiral when she was alone, but Luca kept talking, and as such, Adrianna was forced to continue to follow along. "Our training must have been different. They've wanted me to find out what caused something to happen, or to know before something bad does happen."

It took her a moment to consider the question of her shadow. The only people who knew about it beyond its existence would have been those with access to her files and reports from early in training- Hemingway likely had access, given his position as handler of the task force, and anyone beyond him likely could get access if they didn't have it already. Beyond that, and her trainers from when she was young, she hadn't told anyone. It never felt necessary, and it would have distracted them from their work. Did that matter now, though, since it had changed?

"It... used to be openly aggressive. Vindictive. I think, if it had been capable, it would have killed me." Somehow, she did not seem even remotely phased by this. "I didn't speak to it much. Only when necessary. It would often attempt to have me take a poor course of action, one it knew would end in harm or worse."
 
Okay, well, that was pretty bad. Luca had been given the opportunity to read reports about Whisper before, and the shadows that came with it. But even after decades of active study, TEMERITY didn't have any definitive answers on what exactly they were, assuming they were one type of thing at all. Or at least they didn't have any answers that Luca had been given access to, when she'd been with TEMERITY. They behaved in all sorts of ways, but this kind of spitefulness seemed almost unique. Having something whispering in the back of your head, trying to trick you into hurting yourself, and knowing that you couldn't even block it out because, if you did, you might miss something and lose something important to you...

Well, honestly, it was kind of familiar.

"Makes sense, that they focused on what you could and couldn't do. Your training was probably a lot more practical than mine," Luca said. Telling a small child that she was responsible for figuring out whether things were about to go horrifically wrong, and that she'd have to solve the problem if there was one, didn't feel all that different from what Luca had gone through, but Adrianna wasn't lying. Her fingers knitted themselves together again, stretching themselves out as much as they could without cracking.

"They really wanted me to understand what Grace and Sin were. Like, where they thought it came from, what we could do with it, what they wanted me to do with it. Especially since, like... My mentor, you know, had, like, some specific projects in mind, that I was supposed to help with when I was old enough to leave isolation." And then I ruined them. "Kinda didn't work out. I didn't need to deal with anything like your Shadow, though. Did they give you any techniques for, like... Handling it? Getting it to speak more honestly, or--I guess, less maliciously?"
 
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It was odd, at least to Adrianna, that someone who seemed to have been chosen for research work with Temerity, who clearly had a skillset that was tailored for that field, would have been assigned to hunts, even if the task force was doing important work. Obviously, her own skills were tuned more for investigation rather than open combat, as many other exorcists were, but there was a difference between being trained for searching for evidence of a Sin in the greater world and learning the fundamentals of how they operated in a Temerity lab. Something to ask about later, she decided.

Luca's curiosity about her shadow was no surprise, though. Adrianna had to imagine that anyone who didn't have one was curious. "That was a large portion of my training. Temerity, from my short time with them during assessments, said that it was dangerous and dishonest. It... can be stressful, speaking with it, on occasion. It knows more than I do." She had been on the receiving end of no shortage of verbal abuse when trying to work with it. No matter how jaded, some of it was bound to get through. "They also told me it would lie, unless I shielded myself from it's hostility and imposed my own will on it. It's hard to explain. Similar to flexing a muscle you didn't know you had, I assume, but I've had it for as long as I can recall."

She paused a moment, flexing her hand idly as she spoke. "It has never lied to me though. Everything it has ever told me has come to pass, in some form or another, unless I took action to prevent it. It's why I trusted it. No matter how malicious the words, it never lied." Adrianna wasn't one for speculation, and no doubt Temerity was already working on finding the link between herself and IX, and how their shadows were linked. Since the outpost, her shadow, and presumably IX's, had fallen silent, living in her periphery. It still had shape, in the darkness, and could still move and act, but... it had calmed.

But that was enough about herself. She had sectioned off the worst of her thoughts, but it was all linked to her and her shadow, somehow. Thinking of what she could do would lead to what she could have done, and... that wouldn't be fair, to Luca. Not after what she'd done for her. Adrianna's eyes darted to catch Luca's gaze for a brief moment, before going back to her tray, as she posed a question. "Why... did they remove you from research? It... uh, seems like what you would have been best suited for. If you don't mind my saying."
 
“Oh! Um…” And then Luca locked up. It wasn’t that she didn’t know what to say. Several different had surged up her throat at the question; if anything they were crowding her mouth trying to get out. Among them was the strategy she’d employed with that Number kid back at Christmas–a simple ‘no’ and a swift exit. But that would defeat the entire point of this.

Slowly, she relaxed back into speech. “It’s a lot of things. I guess most things are, though. Like, I’m 21 years old; at minimum that’s eleven million minutes. If you talk fast enough, you can fit over a hundred words in a minute, to say nothing of actions–and that’s just one person. It’s hard to say exactly why I’m here.”

Oh, god, she was doing it again. Luca gave her head a single violent shake, her curly white hair flying out around her like a nest of cobwebs; then she swallowed, and started over.

“Sorry! Bad habit! Right! So, the official reason given was that, um… I was stagnating, I guess, is how they’d put it? I’d been with TEMERITY for, like, 13 years, but in that time, I was never assessed higher than CAT I. I actually, um… I actually lost an ability, after an early incident in the lab, and that was the one Dr. Rembrandt–er, you’ve met him; he was the researcher in charge of the Outpost 034 briefing–anyway, that was the ability he originally picked me out for. So that kind of stalled that whole project; he had to find other ways to make me useful after that.”

The former research asset leaned back in her chair again, hooking her feet under the table’s lip to keep herself upright. Her eyes were now once more locked on the ceiling.

“Which, you know, that was embarrassing, but I owe him a lot for not giving up on me. But, you know, CAIN is results-oriented, so now that I’m an adult, at least theoretically, they want to either have me grow into something more useful, or get rid of me. But, er… That’s another possible reason. Maybe he finally gave up on me, or maybe someone in AUTHORITY really hates him, or me, and they decided this was the best way to do away with me. Cuz, uh…”

This bit was going to be a little hard. But Adrianna had already seen Luca screaming, laughing, covered in her own vomit; nothing she was about to say was going to be a surprise to her, probably.

“I’m um… A little erratic, I guess. I make decisions, sometimes, and nobody else really understands them, which would be fine if I could be sure that they really were bad decisions, you know? Because a lot of the time, things just turn out bad, no matter what I try, so the best I can do is just stick to what I’m sure will produce something of value. But most people don’t see it that way; it makes me risky to be around. Sorry; I’m not making much sense. And, um, I’m making it about me, too, which. You know.”
 
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