Closed RP BONK

[illirica]

BONK

Mina Claret was having one of those moments where her life flashed before her eyes. This was quickly followed by one of those moments where a bunch of other people's lives started flashing before her eyes.

The day had started out with frozen waffles. Mina wasn't patient about frozen waffles, so they were still kind of cold and chewy like frozen green beans in the center when she'd been eating them, which had been on the way to school. Mina had a weird relationship with school. She didn't really like it, but she was very much aware of what things could be like if she wasn't in school. She had been not-in-school for most of her childhood, mostly in hospitals. School was much better than chemo, but Mina still didn't like it, and consequently felt really bad about not liking it.

It wasn't the school part that was so bad. It was just that other teenagers were really stupid. Mina sometimes wondered if other teenagers also thought she was really stupid, which was entirely possible, but sometimes she just wanted to scream at people about how so not important their stupid little high school dramas happened to be. Like, who cared if Brayden was asking Nikki or Maria to homecoming or prom or the Halloween ball or the 'totally secular winter holiday dance' or whatever other stupid dance-of-the-month they had to sell tickets for?

She'd almost died when she was a kid. It just did not matter. And saying that would have made her a social pariah, so instead Mina just said "uh-huh" an awful lot and listened to music on her headphones as often as she could get away with it. Not in AP chem, though. Ms. Beal had the personality of a rabid wolverine. It wasn't worth the risk.

She'd been listening to her music again on the way home, trying to ignore the latest in the Oh. My. Gawd. drama that was happening around her. Music, lights, camera, action, crosswalk, BONK.

It had been something like that. And then she'd been on the street and holding her head and bleeding.

This was bad. This was very, very bad. This was especially bad when the driver got out of the car in a panic to check on her and tried to help her sit up before she could warn him not to and got blood on his hands which was unsanitary and gross and currently eating its way through his epidermis.

There was a lot of screaming going on, and it wasn't even hers.

Spoiler: OOC

Ported for archive purposes. Not an active thread.

 

[Katpride]

It’s a nice sunny day, one of those days that makes Spork glad they got out of college while the going was good. They’d hate to be cooped up in a stuffy little classroom on a day like today. They aren’t sure why they’re even thinking about higher education today, except that - oh yeah - teenagers still exist and boy do they love to talk. They should’ve taken a walk earlier in the day, before all of the brats got out of state-mandated prison.

Spork digs a finger in their ear disinterestedly as they wait at the crosswalk, part of them wondering if they can get away with jaywalking and just as quickly deciding that the polite concern of the Good Citizens would probably kill them just as surely as an errant car.

At least people know to move out of the way when they see a white and red cane. Spork hasn’t had to trip anyone, which is convenient if a little disappointing.

“Walk sign is on,” The little automated voice at the intersection announces. They step off the curb, but just as quickly freeze as they hear the squeal of car tires and the collective gasp of the crowd.

Most smart people would probably wait on the curb for things to get sorted and clear up. Spork pops Miku in their ear and muscles their way through the gawkers, hurrying when they hear the sound of screams.

U-03, injured, 10 feet, 12 o’clock. U-04, in- un- injured, 12 feet, 11 o’clock. That’s weird. Miku doesn’t usually stutter. They stop by the first ping, the sharp tang of blood sharp in their nose. “Hey, what-”

Someone tries to grab their arm to lead them away, but they tear their arm out of the person’s grip. More screaming, but not from whoever’s right in front of them. A lot of what-the-hell’s and frantic movement that they can’t quite suss out. They stay where they are, the toe of their shoe flirting with the edge of an errant blood spatter. “You okay, kid?”

Because they’re pretty sure, from the snippets of what they can hear, that this is one of the teens, and they may not be a good person but they aren’t the kind of person who can just leave a kid in the middle of a mess like this.

 

[illirica]

"Stay back!" Mina's voice was panicked, which was, she felt, completely valid in this situation, especially since the blood gremlins were literally eating a guy.

Someone asked her if she was okay, which Mina felt was a very stupid question at this point in time, because how could someone be okay when their blood was literally eating a guy? Also, she had been hit by a car, so it was just not her day.

Oh. The person was blind. Well, now Mina felt totally guilty about thinking it was a stupid question. She wasn't supposed to feel bad! She was the victim here! Well, sort of. Actually the guy getting eaten probably had her beat on the victim scale, but, like... why was that a scale? You weren't supposed to measure up people's suffering on a stupid chart. Axis victim/perp and axis serious/lolz. Or something. Where was Mina on that chart?

Why was there a chart?

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Mina was apologizing for the things in her head, now, which was probably not a good look, but was probably a much better look than if anyone could actually see what was in her head. "Please stay back, there's... um... a... biohazard?"

Yep. Mina was definitely a biohazard. By now, so was the other guy. She hoped that the screaming would stop soon, and then she realized that she really didn't.

 

[Katpride]

The girl’s frantic order is enough to make Spork take a small step back, reassessing the situation on the fly as Miku feeds them more details.

“Somebody get a doctor! That is not blood.” Someone is hollering, almost over top of the teen’s muttering. It smells like blood, but like hell are they touching it to see if it feels like blood, all things considered. And if the girl isn’t screaming, it’s probably something to do with her.

Spork shrugs out of their oversized overshirt - part and parcel of the classic Adam Sandler Summer look, but it’s for a good cause - and holds it out towards the girl. There’s too much movement near the other guy to bother trying to sort it out. Someone else will probably take care of it, or it’ll resolve itself.

“Hey, hey, calm down kid. Here. I know, I know, Spork you’re so generous, you really don’t have to thank me,” They crouch down a little, conscious of the sun on their back and the slight chill of a breeze sweeping through the low slits of their shirt. They hold the shirt out as far as their arm can reach and try not to think of what Mari would say if she saw them so exposed near a biohazard. “Maybe try to mop it up or some shit, iunno.”

Despite their nonchalant words, they’re tense, and they keep an ear tilted towards the commotion. Do they really care about what happens to some random guy? They don’t know him, do they? They don’t think they do.

They let her have a moment before remembering to ask, “Do you need to go to the hospital? ‘Cause you’re not gonna get a choice soon.”

 

[illirica]

"Spork? Your name is Spork?!" Maybe this was not the thing that Mina should have actually picked up out of this conversation, but on the other hand, this person's name was 'Spork'. Mina tried, really hard, not to laugh, but wasn't very successful, so she muffled it in the offered T-shirt instead, pressing it to her face for a moment. Heh. 'Spork,' oh my god.

Oh, and then there was the serious question. Mina retreated from the T-shirt from a moment to stare at the kitchen tool in front of her, then realized that Spork (heehee- Spork) probably couldn't appreciate the look Mina was giving her. "You don't like... decide if you need to go to the hospital. Someone else decides that." Someone else had decided that a lot, in Mina's case. Not for a while. She hadn't been to the hospital in... at least a couple years. They'd been able to do tests in just the regular doctor's office and not the hospital lately, since she was officially in remission and all that.


The doctors didn't know about the blood gremlins. Mina wasn't actually sure why, because it seemed like they should get out during the blood tests, but maybe they were bigger than that - or maybe they just wanted to be in a little plastic tube. Mina didn't want to be in a little plastic tube either, which was probably where she was going to end up once people figured out about the blood gremlins. She really didn't want to go end up in a plastic tube - or in a hospital, for that matter. "Um... Do you decide that?"

 

[Katpride]

Spork grins, immensely pleased with themself. Who says they’re bad with kids? They totally made her laugh, which is the absolute top numero uno best reaction to hearing their nickname. “Yup. The one and only.”

Living in Pittsburgh as a semi-scary adult has spoiled them for normal reactions, and they soak up the laughter like sunshine. See, this was totally the right choice.

They shrug a little in response to her statement, still smiling a little, almost like they’ve forgotten to stop.

“I decide it. Do you?” After all, it’s her choice. Teens get to make so few choices for themselves. Spork remembers that, remembers talking to peers who spoke like their parents controlled when they blinked and used the bathroom. To hell with that.

Maybe they shouldn’t be advocating skipping the hospital, but they’ve been dodging it for years since Mari started messing with bio-enhancements. They know a few tricks. “If you don’t wanna go somewhere, you can just not go. Just walk out. If it sucks, hit da bricks.”

“You can walk, right? Spork’s a lotta things, including susceptible to biohazards.” Maybe if they had their gauntlets they’d be a bit more helpful, but look who showed up in a tank top and shorts. It’s summer, dammit. This was just supposed to be a walk around the neighborhood.

 

[illirica]

I decide it. Do you?

No. Definitely not.

But... could Mina decide that? Was it okay to just... walk away? And why was Spork quoting memes at her? Was that on purpose, or was that just accidental? It seemed too coincidental to be anything but deliberate. Were you allowed to quote memes at someone who just got hit by a car? Mina supposed maybe if your name was Spork, you could do anything you wanted. Spork was definitely that sort of name. Mina... not so much.

You weren't supposed to walk away from the scene of an accident. Mina had learned that in driver's ed. Of course, she definitely wasn't the one at fault here. She was pretty sure she could walk fine, although she was also sure the paramedics would tell her that it wasn't a good idea and then she'd have to lie down for a while. In a hospital.

Could she just leave? Was she going to get in trouble for that? "Um... is it still a hit and run if you get hit, and then you run?"

 

[Katpride]

Spork’s legs start to cramp from crouching, so they settle their weight lower, balancing on their toes. While she takes a second to think, they try to suss out how the situation has developed. The screaming has settled a little, though there are still enough people making panicked noises that they can’t be sure what really happened over there.

Aaaand there are the sirens in the distance. At the girl’s question, Spork pushes off from their toes and pops back to their feet. They tuck their hands behind their back, their cane dangling from their wrist, and consider for a moment before shrugging. “Iunno. Technically no, because that’s not how hit n’ runs work, but we could find out.”

“C’mon kid, trial and error, that’s what they teach you in, like, science class, right?” Hell if they know. Spork’s school days are a distant dream. But they do know one thing. “I’m not sticking around. Choice is yours, but I’m going…”

They turn their head from side to side, figuring out where the sirens are coming from, and then point in the opposite direction. “That-a-way. In about, oh, now.”

Spork takes a few steps in the direction they indicated, swinging their cane out so that the gawkers will know to get out of their way. Not that they have any qualms about shoving their way through the crowd if it means they don’t get questioned by the cops.

 

[illirica]

Oh, they were going now. They were going, like, now now.

The choice might have been Mina's, but she was pretty sure even as she did it that she was making bad choices. She got to her feet (bad choice number one, you were definitely supposed to sit down for a while after getting hit on the head) and followed after the person (bad choices numbers two and three, you were definitely not supposed to leave the scene of an accident and you were not supposed to go places with strangers). Spork was clearing the path by hitting people with their cane (bad choices number four, medical devices should be treated with care and not used to whap people, and five, violence was never the answer - but those weren't Mina's choices so did they really count?).

Mina stumbled along afterwards because she sort of figured that after bad choices numbers one through C, it was probably just best to go with it because any more choices were just going to make things worse. She caught up as much as she was comfortable with, because she didn't want to accidentally get blood on Spork. If this happened to be about the same distance as staying out of whapping with a cane range, this was probably coincidental. Probably.

At least it was quieter out here, there was just a murmur and some random shouting and not, like, the guy screaming. Sorry, dude.

Mina summoned her inner Pippin, because that wasn't really a choice at all.

"So. Where are we going?"

 

[Gilgamesh_]

Today was a special day for Milton;his 3 month anniversary of superheroing in Pittsburgh couldn't have been going any better. People were still struggling with learning his name and he was still struggling with how exactly you're supposed to be a superhero but, that didn't matter when there wasn't anything too big happening yet. Most of his exploits thus far had been just like this one.

He portaled onto the scene and took it all in. From a distance it seemed like your standard car accident but, from up close it was anything but. You had a driver who was screaming while his flesh slowly disolved and some blood on the ground that he could only assume belonged to the driver.

"Stand back and fill me in on the situation" he exclaimed in his best superhero voice while cutting through the crowd.

"Don't touch the blood, that little girl got hit and he touched the blood and now his arm...oh my god his arm." The woman, who was choking back some ungodly mixture of tears and vomit, pointed towards the duo who were fleeing the scene. He stepped forward, opening a portal that carried him to intersect their path. They wouldn't have gotten very far when the circular doorway of swirling black and teal appeared before them and he stepped out with his hands up.

"I'm not here to hurt you, names Half-Life-" although if they had seen any news they would probably know him as Devil Man, Blue Devil, or any of the other names, that weren't his, that the local outlets were racing to stick onto the new hero. "-and I just wanna talk. Why don't we wait here for the medical personnel to come. That looks like a helluva head injury to just walk away from."

 

[Katpride]

The girl asks a very good question. Spork’s head tilts to the side briefly as they elbow past another gawker. Honestly, they didn’t have an immediate destination other than ‘away’, but…

Well, she’s going to need medical treatment at some point, and they are far from equipped to handle anything of the sort. Maybe Mari would be a little more qualified, but they’re not stupid enough to bring a little girl back to their apartment. Kidnapping isn’t exactly their schtick, they’d hate to go down for that.

“First, we get away from the-” Another ankle to whap with their cane, and they do so with abandon. The rude face they throw in the general direction of the roadblock is just for seasoning. “The this, and then I’ll see what I can-”

They’re interrupted again, Miku chiming an alert that they’re about to walk into someone a second before the most obnoxious voice they’ve ever heard greets their ears. Or maybe they’re just not in a very generous mood, at the moment. Some chump who wants to play-

Spork laughs, a very bright and delighted sound. Behind tinted glasses, their eyes light up with excitement and no small amount of malice. “Oho, a request?”

Their cane comes swinging up, the unnecessarily weighted tip aiming to smack into the wannabe-hero’s head. They don’t wait around, breaking into a run away from the scene. The girl will follow if she’s smart, and if she isn’t then it isn’t like she’s in much danger, with all the Concerned Citizens milling about.

 

[illirica]

"AAAAAAHHHHH!"

Suddenly, there was more screaming.

No, wait, that had been Mina.

Well, really, what was she supposed to do when a swirly portal of death opened up in front of her? Mina was sure that the portal led to swirly death because that seemed like the most logical conclusion. It was really quite unlikely that it went somewhere nice, like Hawaii. Mina had never actually been to Hawaii, but she assumed it was nice. Maybe she shouldn't be assuming things? Could you just assume somewhere's demeanor? Or was this one of those situations where it was okay if you were saying nice things but not okay if you were saying bad things, except some people said it was still bad even if you were saying nice things because-

Oh, right, swirly death portal, that was still right there, and there was a guy in front of it who just wanted to talk. Mina was old enough to know that any time someone said I just want to talk it meant you were in really, really big trouble, and you were just waiting to find out how much trouble you were in. It meant I want to talk about how sorry you should be and how we are going to make sure you have plenty of time to think about that, usually followed by loss of privileges. In this case, it probably wasn't going to be getting her phone taken away. Could a random guy take her phone away? Like, was that okay, or did you have to be a parent for that? He probably wasn't old enough to be her parent.

What if he just kicked her in the swirly death hole? What if it led to an extradimensional prison full of evil masterminds? Would Mina live out the rest of her life outside the dimension surrounded by supervillains? This was the worst!

"Oh no, I'm a criminal! I don't want to go in the swirly death hole, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I - Spork you can't just hit people oh my god! I mean... you... can? I guess you can? You did, anyway? Oh no I'm an accomplice! I'm an accomplice and a criminal! Please don't send me into the swirly death hole, I don't wanna go, I have a math test tomorrow and I haven't even studieeeeed!"

 

[Gilgamesh_]

Spork didn't look like much of a threat so Milton's hand came up to catch the cane hit but, his instincts kicked in and his whole body ducked downwards turning what would've been a powerful strike into a glancing blow. Even with his dodge the back of his head still hurt like hell. 'That was supposed to knock me out....'. They took advantage of the confused pause to take off down the street leaving him with a peculiar situation. Whoever that was was WAY more skilled than they let on so he couldn't help but be suspicious. Did they have something to do with the blood thing? Then there was the blood thing. The authorities weren't close enough for him to make sure they took care of everything with enough time to catch up to Spork.

"fuck..." he muttered as he gave chase, "Chill out kid, I'm not gonna kill you. Its just a wormhole, I make these." The swirling doorway closed behind him. "And you're not in trouble. I'm just gonna need your help to stop whatever is eating that person alive."
"If anyone tries to blame you I can make sure you get out of it."

 

[Katpride]

Two sets of footsteps following them. Spork almost doesn’t need Miku’s update, except when it beeps in their ear and they narrowly avoid plowing between a parent and the baby carriage they’re pushing.

The dodge is awkward, with a half turn that has them briefly facing the do-gooder chasing them. The scowl they send his way would strike him dead if they had their way, but sadly here they are without the equipment or time to turn this into a fun brawl.

“C’mon kid, don’t listen to him. Hero-types make empty promises.” They cast a hand out for her, reconsider, and snatch their hand back to take a corner at top speed. Maybe they can lose him in the alleys.

As they run, their hand goes to their ear and they mutter a memo to Mari. Hopefully she’s paying attention to her phone and not elbow deep in some new project, or they might have to keep running in circles for a while.

Evac now, get me a car or directions to meb- medicine- uh, a doctor. One of yours.

It’s harder than it looks to talk and listen and not run into anything, ok? The wall jumps out to clip their elbow while they have it up and they swear more in surprise than pain as they course-correct.