Katpride
Story Collector
Spork swipes a thumb across their lip, smearing blood and someone else’s lipstick, and smiles brighter than they have all day. It truly was a turn of good luck, having this jerk follow them out of the bar when they left. Contracts are all well and good, but there’s just something so satisfying about beating unsuspecting creeps half to death.
Maybe even all the way to death! It would definitely make them feel better, and they could use the pick-me-up. They laugh, low and considering, prompting the downed man to make a garbled noise of distress. Aw, it’s almost like he thinks there’s someone out there who will help him! They take a quick step and drive their foot hard into the man’s side as a gentle reminder of the reality of his situation. Something gives a sharp snap, and it’s music to their ears.
Then a cheery jingle cuts through the air, and they groan, good mood ruined again. They rest their shoe on the guy’s chest, ignoring his efforts to scrabble at them, and dig an ancient flip phone out of their pocket. Like, seriously, it has those dumb buttons that you have to press a gazillion times to type anything, and a hinge that they’ve seriously considered snapping way too many times.
They don’t need the caller ID to tell them who’s calling. Hell, they don’t even have it set up; there’s no point. They don’t have contacts in this thing. They don’t need them; there’s only two people who use this line, aside from the occasional spam caller.
“Say a single word, and I’ll kill you,” they tell the guy, moving their foot to rest none too lightly on his throat. Then they flip the phone open, pressing it to their ear.
“Hello?” Ugh. They gave themself whiplash with that voice 180, but ‘high and confused’ is what their parents expect to hear when they call. As though Spork hasn’t figured out how phones work, after all these years. They can already feel their headache returning. “Oh, it’s you! Sorry, I was busy…”
They shift, and the guy gives a little choking sound that’s too faint for the receiver to pick up on. “... finger painting.”
Their mother takes the lie way too easily, of course, and immediately starts prattling on about something that Spork couldn’t give a single shit about. Birthday party planning. Ughhh. Why, why, why do they have to do this every year? Just one year where they don’t have to suffer through hours of ‘planning’ for a party they didn’t even ask for, that’s all they want. But noo, their parents insist on making a big pageant of it every year. Weeks in advance, they get calls that they can’t dodge without getting a call that’s twice as long the next time. It’s like a hydra, they swear.
They are so pawning this off on Mari next year. There is not enough booze nor blood in the world to drown their sorrows.