Welcome back to- THE BITSIT! With Jimmy Jonnes!
Camera swings into the room, the shot focusing on a massive desk from behind which Jimmy Jonnes sits. The older man, built like a brick warehouse and dressed to the nines like a old timey gangster, wore a massive smile across his face. He waves his arm in a grand gesture to his right, directing the camera to temporarily focus upon the woman sitting in a small leather chair. The chair, purposefully too small for the average person, seemed to fit the dark haired woman just fine.
She wore a tattered tank top, ripped jeans, and badly needed a haircut. To those who didn't recognize her, she looked like a nonchalant ruffian. But there weren't many in Pittsburgh who didn't recognize Mary, the head of the Anti-Meta Militia. The camera zooms in and out again, focusing on Jimmy Jonnes while keeping Mary in the side of the shot.
"Folks welcomebacktotheBITSIT! We got a SPECIAL treat for all of you all today. A special treat! May I introduce the illustrious Mary of the- what was it called again? Oh I'm just joshin' you just jokin' just tellin' a TALL TALE!" Raucous laughter spills from Jimmy's mouth alongside prerecorded laugh tracks as he continues, "Folks this woman here leads, heads up, MANAGES with GREAT SUCCESS-! THE Anti-Meta MILITIA! Gimme a round of APPLAUSE for this PATRIOT!"
Applause, prerecorded, fills the room. Mary is smiling, her body language speaking to an unnatural level of comfort in this strange interview position. Nodding in his direction, she speaks calmly, "Thanks Jimmy." More applause, then a quiet dying down of sound. The camera moves once more, focusing on Jimmy as he asks questions then to mary as she answers. A rapid fire interaction. Not a battle. A teamup.
"Lemme get right into it, right to the meat and potatoes, talk to me straight Mary cause the folks watching DO NOT listen to lies, not my audience! Are you a Meta?" A soft chuckle, "I's am! I's am indeed." Jimmy slams his fist on the table, shouting as his face fills with red, "THEN WHY, tell me why, WHY are you leading NORMAL, GOOD folks in a Militia against YOUR OWN KIND?!" Mary snaps, a corrective motion, "Woah there Jimmy, don' you's go assumin' on me now."
There's a moment of silence, a space for Mary to elaborate, "They's ain't 'my own kind.' I's my own woman, and I's know first hand how bad these metas can be if they's ain't controlled."
"Controlled?"
"Controlled. Metas ain't the problem, Jimmy, "Are they NOT!?" "Nah! The jo-shmo meta eatin' cheesesteaks in the buy/sell/trade ain't who we's after. But it ain't the frekin' normies, non-metas, runnin' 'round playin' costume hero killin' random peeps either! The vigilantes, the costume warriors, they's who's the problem."
Jimmy folds his hands, nodding deeply at Mary in pensive agreement. Tapping a thick finger on his desk, he replies in his powerful voice, "Cmon Mary. You are telling ME that the average kid that can set his WHOLE TOWN ABLAZE on ACCIDENT is somehow LESS dangerous than a Meta trying to use their powers for GOOD?" Mary transfixed Jimmy with a stare, a dark look falling over her face.
"That's exactly what I's sayin'. Some rando kiddie accidentally settin' a fire can get stopped by good people runnin' the fire departments. But a so-called 'hero' usin' his super strength to- flippin' unilaterally, snap some poor kid's neck for committin' petty vandalism? Then runnin' off like he jus' did somethin' great while a mother's son is dead for doin' nothin' more than taggin' a wall. Does that make sense to you's?"
Jimmy shook his head, answering, "No that does not make sense AT ALL Mary, not at ALL. The Police, the COPS, the good people of the Pitts P. D. Those are who should be arresting vandals, peacefully putting down protests, and keeping our streets SAFE! Not unappointed, unqualified, unFAIR META-'HU'Mans!"
Mary smiles.
"Exactly Jimmy, 'X-actly. That's what's we's all about, keepin' the vigilantes, the dangerous Metas, off our streets. Let those cops do they's jobs, and we'll do ours. You's can count on us."
Clapping his hands together, Jimmy nods with great overenthusiasm. "THAT'S what we wanna hear, EXACTLY THAT Miss Mary. Of all the horrible, nasty, NO GOOD Metas I've seen, you're not like any of them! MARY! YOU! Are one of the good ones. Now folks we're going to get back to asking this wonderful woman more questions but first! FIRST! You know I show you the truth and nothing but the truth but sometimes the truth is expensive, so that's why I have with me today a bottle of ClearEverView WheyVeganMeat protein powder! Just two scoops with your meals-"